Glum...

It rain last night.  I usually sleep well during rain, but not recently.  I have a telemedicine appointment tomorrow morning.  I'm not certain what will be said or what I want to be said.

This year has been very draining.  All the loss, the sour moods & the gloom.  Even in the heat of the Summer, I rarely woke up to a morning that wasn't gloomy.  I'm spent on the gloom & definitely over the allergies.

This year has just been hard & a lot of certainties were faced.   Old cats are old & so are people.  I'm not sure how much more of all the dour & glum I can handle.  

I was better until the hospital stay.  It was a tipping point.   I'm still not feeling as well as I'd like & I was alone in that place.  That's how this is going to be for me & I guess I have to accept it.   Some day, some where, I'll be alone & then I won't be anymore.  Part of me is very angry about that.

I've done my best, to do as well by people I can.  I haven't always succeeded & some people I'm best off just avoiding some of them.  I tend to do better by animals.  At least the animals purr or the equivalent.  People, they generally just take.

I'm spent.  I'm tired of all the changing narratives & rewritten histories that seem to surround me.   People use words to get what they want & then feel they shouldn't be held to them.   We shouldn't teach children to be loyal, trustworthy or dependable, they'll likely never see it returned.

If you think this wallowing, that's your prerogative.   I don't feel that I am.  I think I'm just trying to face some things.  I'm mostly alone & few if any will ever be there to help me when I need it.  I hope when I get to that point, I'm asleep.  I don't think I have any need for last words.  Nobody would probably listen anyway.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll wake to a bright morning with birds singing.

Cya...