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Friday, January 27, 2017

It's OK Not To...



Time to time,I come across a piece talking about an HIV+ person being upset others don't want to date them.  I get, it can be difficult deciding when to tell someone your status.  Should I tell them right before we're going to have sex?  Should I tell them on the 1st date?  Should I just use a dating app that lets me revel my HIV status?  Seriously, awkward.

I get that & can even sympathize, but I can't get behind these + people who feel their entitled to date whoever they'd like.  I don't care how advanced meds are or that you're viral levels are undetectable.  You are still HIV+ & that's not going to change.  These people have a right to be concerned.  Other people have a right not to want to have to deal with that in their lives.

They may be uninformed, biased, scared or a lot of other things.  But these people who don't wish to date a + person aren't necessarily bad people & they don't owe you anything.   HIV is a difficult thing to handle for those living with it.  It's probably mind boggling for many why anyone would want to date a + person when they weren't.  Your virus may be undetectable, but things can change.  It's still possible, even if highly unlikely, you could infect someone.   These people have a right to be concerned.

Being involved with someone with any chronic illness, means you are also to some extent living with the effects of that illness.  That's a lot for some people to take on.   Better them just admit it & walk away, then bail when you need them later.  You don't get to be angry at these people's sense of self preservation.  They aren't required to take on your problems & yes HIV is a problem.

Stop whining.  Start talking.  Be up front about you status early on.  If they walk away, that's their choice & not a reflection on you.  Life never promised you a significant other.  Live your life & let others live theirs.  Not dating, is not the end of the world.

Cya...

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