Strange Realization...

I recently became aware of something that shouldn't bother me, but it's odd & a little disturbing.  When I was diagnosed with HIV, I was actually diagnosed as having AIDS.  My CD4 count was non-existent & my viral load was astronomical.   After I'd been on my regimen, my counts slowly improved.  I've only gotten above a CD4 count of 400 a few times, but my viral load is undetectable.

It's unlikely, I'll ever be at the target range for all my counts.  I started meds very late in the game.  Early application of a medical regimen does have a notable affect on long term health & activity levels.  I may never be where they want me to be or feel like I'd prefer.  Still, I'm better than I was, most days at least.

No matter what my numbers or how I feel, my diagnosis is still AIDS.  I tell people HIV, but actually according to legalities & health officials, I'm a PWA, a person with AIDS.   I guess I am, but still it's odd.

I remember how I felt in those days.  I could barely function.  I didn't want to eat.  Breathing was a challenge.  Any thing beyond sleep was a real effort.   Some days are bad now, some are very bad. But not like then, when they all were.

I don't tell people I have AIDS.  They freak out enough over HIV.  But as far as the medical community is concerned I am a person living with AIDS.  Damn, that feels weird.

Cya...