Update...

Yesterday's specialist appointment sucked.  It was awful in many ways.  I was in the office for an initial meeting for over 2.5 hours.   The staff was not helpful & some were abrupt to the point of being rude.   The doctor was invasive, judgy &overbearing.  He made me very uncomfortable.  Unless he's suddenly in my town & the last doctor I can see, I won't ever see this man again if I can help it.

I talked to my primary care physician's nurse today about changing back to Tulsa.  She said I'd just need to make an appointment.  I never cancelled my next meeting with them, so I'm on to head back to Tulsa.  Better driving to Tulsa than dealing with that other doctor.

My nerves are still shot.  I was having problems focusing, so I decided to start some yard work.  I didn't do much.  I only got the few shrubs in the front.  Still, it wore me out.  

I've got some things to tend to this afternoon, so that's all for now.

Cya...

New Doc Day...

I have an appointment with my new HIV specialist today.  It's not that far  away, but I've never been there before.  I have no idea how long this will take.  We'll head out early & get back when we can.  We have a couple of other stops that need to be made, so this may be the only time I feel like doing this post.  I'm still half asleep & my eyes are blurry, but at least it's getting done.  More tomorrow.

Cya...

Another Monday...

Another Monday is here & this is the last 1 in September.  This month is about gone.  The week will be busy.  We've got a lot of stuff to do.  Starting with my doctor appointment tomorrow.

I'm trying not to be nervous about this,  But, I've been with my other doctor for over a decade.  If this works, it means no more trips to Tulsa to see a HIV specialist.  If it doesn't, well, hello Tulsa.

Today's a little weird.  Today would've been the 49th birthday of a college friend.  We were close for quite a while & then we weren't.  A couple of years ago, I found out that she had passed several years prior.  It wasn't so much sad as just weird.  

More than a few people I went to college with are already dead.  I was the person with HIV.  They were, as far as I knew, healthy people.  Still, I'm here & they aren't.  Strange.

I wonder if I should've called or stayed in contact.  Maybe it would've just been weird for both of us.  Probably.  So, Happy Birthday to my friend who's no longer here to blow out the candles.

Cya...

Last Sunday...

This is the last Sunday of September.  This month closed up shop quick.  Nothing much is going on here.  

I have an appointment with the new doctor on Tuesday. We'll have shopping & 1st of the month bill stuff.  It'll be a busy week for us.

We're winding down to more dreary days & earlier sunsets.  I'm not a fan of this.  I don't like grey days.  But, that's Fall for you.

Take care.

Cya...

Fall...

I forgot to say farewell to Summer & greet Autumn here on my blog. So, the season has changed & soon the leaves will.  Summer will be a distant memory of warmer days.  It's funny how we tend to remember mostly the good things.  I'll remember being warmer, but not sweating.  I'll remember having the windows open, but not the stickiness.  

Fall is here & soon the shrubs will get pruned & the flowers will be gone.  The dragonflies & hummingbirds will have headed to warmer climes.  For a while things will be colorful & then the leaves will begin to fall. They'll skitter down the road in little bursts.  Then the trees will be bare & the winds be brisk.

In a little over a month Halloween will be here & the holiday season will be upon us.  Oh, joy.   This year is wrapping up, we're on the downhill slide.  So far. 2015 has been pretty good to us, nothing horrid has happened.  With any luck, that will persist.

Welcome Fall & season greetings to all you leaves about to change & soar.  To all the seasonal birds, thanks for your time.  To all the pests, go find someone else to bother for a season.  So Autumn, stick around a while.

Cya...

Errands..

We have to go shopping this morning & then run over to Fort Smith for some things.  I doubt I'll be back in time to  or feel like doing a post later.  So, I'll be back tomorrow.

Cya...

Rearranging...

My new appointment has required some shuffling of schedules.  My roomie's, not mine.  If this hadn't been my 1st appointment with a new doctor, I'd felt more apt to try to redo the time.  I didn't want to appear as being a difficult patient on my initial visit. 

Somehow, I got really great sleep last night.   I actually overslept.   Not drastically, but I think I needed the extra rest.  Between the recent computer issues & this new specialist thing, it's been more than a little stressful.

I'm tending to some household things today.  I managed to cull some of our plastic food storage containers.  I had some others to replace those.  I need to really start ridding myself of more useless stuff.

I hope you're having a great day.

Cya...

Doctor Development...

My primary care physician's office called yesterday & informed me, I have an appointment for the new specialist, Dr. Wasi.  I was expecting this, but not for it to be next week.  I thought it'd be in late October.   It's a bit jarring.  I'm having to psych myself out to deal with the idea of a new specialist.  

I won't have time to get blood work for him.  At least he's in Stigler, only a about 35 miles or so away.  That's a lot better than 120+ miles 1-way to the other doctor's office in Tulsa.  

I'm nervous about this, if it doesn't go well, it's back to Tulsa,   At least my appointment there wasn't supposed to be until November.  Well, I guess I'll know more after Tuesday.  Here's hoping he's not an ass.

Cya...

Allergy Days...

We had some errands to run this morning.  I'm glad we got them over with early.  Both of our allergies are in high gear right now.  It's far from pleasant.  The white cat always gets puffy pink eyes while this is going on.  If it gets too bad, I give her eye drops, but it usually passes.

We don't have much planned for today.  I'm thankful for that.  Luckily, I already have food made up for the rest of the day. 

That's it for now.

Cya...

It's Alive...

Yay!  It looks like I have my net back & won't have to buy a new computer.   It took a while but I finally found an post about someone with similar connection issues as me.  I tried the solution & it worked.  I hate to say it, but the trick was very old-school.  I'm surprised it still worked on a newer machine.   I simply deleted the network adapters from my device manager profile & rebooted.  It took a while, but it finally came back & I have a working ethernet connection again.

This may not seem like it has much to do with my typical topic, but it does in a way.  I hit a problem & stressed out about it.  I wasn't able to do much until I processed the stress & frustration.  Then I managed to come up with a plan.  

There's an adage I try to follow.  Google it!  Most likely someone else has already had the same problem you're dealing with & may have found a solution or at least some ideas.  I committed myself to trying whatever I found.  I was already accepting the possibility of having to get a new computer.  I might as well try whatever I found.  It'd either work & save me $ or I'd still be buying a new system.  

If you're having a problem in your life.  1st, deal with the stress & whatever else your feeling.  Then you can make a plan.  Remember to Google it.  It's very possible someone else has already faced whatever it is you're going through.  Maybe you can get some pointers.  I've had to Google a ton of stuff over HIV & my health.  It doesn't always work, but it's helped a lot of the times.

Cya...

Maybe...

I almost hate to write this, but I may have "fixed" my internet issue.  I'm not sure, but my fingers are crossed.  If not, it's beginning to look like time to replace this computer.  I'd really rather not do that if I can avoid it.

The weather is being weird.  It's raining a bit.  I'm not feeling all that well.  We had to go shopping.  Between allergies, stress & weather issues, I'm a bit out of it.  

Here's hoping this net fix holds.

Cya...

Bad Net & Lap Tops...

I got a new router & modem.  They work for everything but my computer.  I called & the 1st time a cable tech can come out is Monday.  Oh, F'ing joy!

For now I'm on the laptop.  BTW, I really sorta hate    It doesn't get used often, so everything needed to update. That is still being a pain.  I'm not sure how well my posts will be until this is resolved.  

I did find an interesting article about a girl born with HIV being told she has the virus for the 1st time. It's a bit wrenching, but a good read.  There's nothing I can add to that article.  Just go read it.

Hope everyone else is having a better weekend.

Cya...

Errands & Continuing Net Issues...

My router issues haven't been resolved.  I'm probably going to have to make alternate plans.  I don't have a choice, the things barely working.

I have to run to Fort Smith & get my roomie.  If the router isn't in the mail, I'll probably stop by & see if I can get 1 there.  I wish it wasn't going to be so hot today.  After this, it looks like mostly 80's F for a while.  Yeah!

Cya...

Net Issues...

Hopefully, our new router will get into today.  Our net has been sluggish lately & it may be the old router is dying.  They don't last long.  I'm not going to post much here, the net is being weird about saving anything on my blog.  With any luck,  this will be resolved soon.

Cya...

Nice While It Lasted...

The temps are going back up.  It's pretty muggy.   Those hot, southern winds are whipping things up again.  We're supposed to have a few days more in the 90's.  Then it's supposed to chill down & rain.  This roller coaster weather is no fun for me or the cats.

I'll be glad when the 90's are gone & we just stay in the 80's for a bit.  The plants need time to cool off before Winter.  If not, we won't get all those pretty colors of Fall leaves.   Once we're in the 70's, the shrubs will get pruned.  That's always a mess, but not s much as it used to be.

Until tomorrow.

Cya...

Quiet Tuesday, But The Goats...

The weather's mellowed out & it's been a nice day here.  There's not much that needs tending to today.  So, I'm just letting things be.

It's been pretty quiet, except for the goats.  I live in town, but for some reason 3 neighbors within a block have goats.  These goats can't see each other, but they can hear the others.  They bleat & baa at each other for hours.  Occasionally a local dog puts in its bit.  That's not counting the neighbor's rooster who can't tell time.  Between them, there's been a steady stream of conversation all day. 

Hope everyone's doing well.

Cya...

Tired Again...

Between this weather & noisy neighbors, I didn't sleep well last night.   The weather is vacillating between warm, dry & cool, wet.  It's not doing my sleep or breathing any favors.   

We have a neighbor who works with forklifts & feels it's his duty to make as much noise at night as possible.  If something bad should happen to this man, I wouldn't shed a tear.  Hell, I'd probably do a dance of joy.  

I know this is brief, but I'm spent.  Morning errands & last night's issues have worn me out.  

Cya...

Wanting Openess, But Not Really...

For the last couple of days, there've been articles about a man named Tom Knight who is HIV + & using Grindr.  OK, let's be honest,  Grinder is a hook-up app,    He was looking for sex or least a potential sex partner.  According to Tom, part of the conservation went something like this:

OK, as a + person, I get why he was open,  I don't get why he was upset  about the other man being equally open.   The guy simply said he couldn't deal with HIV.  His prerogative.  At least he didn't act like he could & then ditch Tom.

In the article & in Tom's posts, people go on to say how witty he was & support Tom. In some of the articles, he goes on to talk about how it's hurtful to be rejected.  He tells how his viral load is undetectable.  How is someone on Grindr supposed to know about your viral load?  Why should someone take your word for it? 

The comments on the articles weren't nearly as pro-Tom.  They were more apt to see this for what it was.  This was an interaction revolving around Grindr.  These men were looking to hook-up, not deal with each others' baggage.  IMO, Tom should be glad this guy was just as honest as he had been.

I get being rejected hurts, but that's life.  If this other man can't deal with the idea of a + partner via a chat message, how well do you think he would've done in real life?  Why not just deal with the fact, a lot of HIV- aren't going to be able to deal with someone + as a sex partner?  Why not date HIV+ people?

Tom wasn't witty.  Tom isn't some kind of Grinder hero.  Tom is an HIV + man who got his feelings hurt after being rejected.  Like a lot of us, he's trying to save face at the expense of someone else.  The other man's unwillingness isn't the problem here.  The problem was Tom's princess-tude that everything should go his way or else.

Cya....

Sniffles...

Break out the hot tea, the sniffles are back.  I've been dealing with allergies all Summer, but the ragweed has been a killer.  The weird weather fluctuations are leaving us chilly & wet at night & overly warm during the day.   What it's really doing, is trying to give me a cold.

There's not much going on here today other than dealing with my sniffles.  I need to buy stock in cough drops.   I've gone through a ton of them in the last year dealing with sinus issues.

Hopefully, this won't work into a full cold.  I don't need that this early in the season.  I've still got 11 days until Fall.  Stay well everyone.

Cya...

Fall Weather...

Yesterday heated back up a bit.  We were in the mid 90's.  Today we still haven't reached 80 F.  It's been nice & definitely helping with my sleep.  

We had to roll up the windows on the way to shopping this morning.  It was just a little too brisk.  Not having to come back outside to hot, humid air made shopping easier.  

There isn't a lot going on today.  I'll let this be it for now.  Have a great weekend.

Cya...

Yes, You Have To Tell...

I continually come across articles & advice columns on the topic of disclosing your HIV status.  Most want to know when a person should inform a potential sex partner they're +.  Others feel, since they're on a regimen & their viral load is undetectable, they shouldn't have to tell anyone anything.

Wrong!

You should always reveal your HIV status to a sexual partner,  They should be informed & be able to agree to the risks they'd be taking.  Even with "safer" sex there are still risks, yes even with PrEP.   Having an undetectable viral load & being on a drug regimen, means it's highly unlikely you'll transmit the virus.  It may even be virtually impossible.   But the keyword in both those sentences are "unlikely" & "virtually".  Neither of those grant absolute certainty.   Your partner has a right to know.

If you are +, for whatever reason you've been dealt a bad card.  Maybe it was due to your own behavior or not.   But, by not telling someone you'll be intimate with, you could be handing them the same fate.  Not telling them you're + is selfish, arrogant & cowardly.

It's simple, if you're + & you're going to have sex, you tell the other person.  It may not be easy for you, but it'll be easier than them living with HIV.   Just tell them.

Cya...

Nice Day...

The weather is cool today.  It rained last night  & so far we haven't even hit 80 F.  Considering we've been close to 100 twice this week, this is very pleasant.  After all this, I slept well, but I'm going to need a few more days of this to catch up any.

I'll keep this short.  I'm expecting the cable man some time this afternoon.  We've been having net issues again, go figure.  It keeps blinking in & out.

I hope the weather is good where you are.

Cya...

You Don't Get An Opinion...

There some things in this life you don't get an opinion about. You may have your thoughts on the matter, but it's unlikely those concerned will be interested in them  Is that rude?  No, it's not.  Too many people think they get to have a say on matters that don't concern them & most likely, they don't comprehend.

There are things in this life I have  no real opinion about:

• Whether or not to have an abortion
• How to react to a violent sexual assault
• Whether or not to kill in a war situation

I have ideas about these things, but not opinions.  I will never have an abortion, I'm male.  I, thankfully, have never been assaulted in that manner.  I've never been in a military situation such as that.  I can have my thoughts, but not opinions.  I have nothing to base those opinions on,  Even if I did, have a basis, it would merely be an extension of my own experiences & may not relate to any one else's situation.

There are things I've gone through that unless you have I have no use for your "opinion".  I know what it's like to:

• Be diagnosed HIV +
• Have a chronic illness
• Be on disability
• Be a child of chronic, violent alcoholics
• Be an abandoned child
• Be tossed from home to home
• Have earned a useless Ph.D.
• Live in a rural area
• Be the odd 1
• To be alone

I could go on, but I've made my point. If you haven't experienced these things, then I'm not really interested in your input.  If you want to know something about these things, then ask.  But, I can only tell you of my experiences. 

People get judged daily by others on matters those doing the judging will never comprehend.  Funny how many of those judges spout proverbs about not judging.   In the long run, unless asked, most people really don't care about your opinions.  So, why not just let them be?

Cya...

Labor Day...

It's been a holiday weekend here.  It's not really impacting us any besides the mail not running.  Which BTW, sucks,

We aren't doing anything special.  If anything, this is impeding us from things we'd normally be doing.  I'm ready for it to pass & take the weather with it.

Nothing much has been in the articles lately,  The only thing I see is the "amazing" news that PrEP studies are showing Truvada to be 100% effective.  Like those studies were going to say anything else.  Never trust anything that claims to be 100% effective.

Cya...

1st September Sunday....

The 1st week of September is wrapping up.  We're caught on the bills besides the mail-ins.  It's a holiday weekend & nothing much is going on here.  It looks to be another hot day.  We already have the AC on again.  At least, the weather is cooling off earlier in the evening than before.

Summer is wrapping up & Fall is coming.  I'm ready for the transition.  I could really use the change.  Maybe cooler weather will aid in better moods.

I'm still irked about my HIV specialist situation.  I let it get to me more than I should have.  I've been with those people for over a decade & in the end it meant nothing.  I should've expected that.  I'm bothered by the notion of which is worse; that they actively played me or that this level of snafu is just their normal.  

It seemed like people in that office used to actually give a damn.  I guess that left when I wasn't looking.  I really hope this new option pans out.  I hate the idea of having to go back to them.

Cya...

Still Hot, But Better...

We've got at least a few days of this heat before the temps are expected to fall.  I'm ready for it.  I'm not happy about being hot, but at least I'm starting to feel somewhat better than I have been.  I'm still tired. but I expected that much.  

I will be glad when this Summer is behind us.  This has been a hot, wet mess of a season.  I've had enough of it.  Actually, I'd had enough of it back in July.  

That's about all I have for now. 

Cya..

Tired Again...

There's been a lot of errands recently.   This gout flare up has made them unpleasant & tiresome.  My foot is starting to feel better again, but I'm worn out from all this.  It may take days to get past this.  I'm not quite exhausted yet, but I'm well on my way.  Between my gout, doctor-related stress, the heat & allergies, this has been a rough week.  I'll try to post more tomorrow.

Cya...

Reflare...

My gout flared back up yesterday due to the weather.  It's not horrible, but it's far from pleasant.  My big toe & the joint underneath are sore & swollen.  

It's made walking painful & tiring.  The problem with pain is it's distracting.  It makes it hard to focus on much else.   

Unfortunately, this weather pattern seems to be in play for several more days at least.  This really sucks.  We're having hot, extremely dry days & then cooler, very humid nights.  We're having  60 point spreads on the humidity levels.  My feet are probably going to be sore until this passes, great...

Cya...

A little Better...

The 2nd day of September is here & BTW, Hello September.  I hope you're more kind than August.   I shouldn't gripe, some of it wasn't the month's fault.  Most of it was in the hands of my hopefully soon-to-be former specialist.

It wasn't any cooler last night, but I slept better.  My current gout flare up seems to be settling.   The only thing I can attribute this to, other than being very tired, is some of my stress has been dealt with, At least is beginning to be handled in a different manner.

Don't get me wrong.  I still hate the idea of getting a new doctor.   But, with the new doctor, at least there's a chance for something better.  There wasn't where I was at.  Still, it's nerve-racking.  

I don't have much else today.  I'm just trying to get accustomed to this new idea.  Here's hoping it goes well.

Cya...

Birthday & Business...

It's a new month & a new year for me, yippie.  I started both with a trip to my doctor's office.  It was just a standard appointment, nothing big.   At least it wasn't supposed to be.  I was waiting & the telemedicine people finally deigned to call.  

It's official, telemedicine is dead.  She wouldn't commit to it being a permanent thing.  She also wouldn't say they had any plans on reviving the program  in the foreseeable future.  Maybe it'll come back as the telemedicine zombie.  The more I pushed for information, the more the woman danced away from the subject.  It seems I'm ending a 13+ year relationship. But, I'm seriously tired of being handled & jerked around by people with no real interest in my health.

My appointment with my primary care  physician went well.  He said he'd start the process for approaching another doctor for my HIV.   I hate this.  I was happy where I was, but those asshats in Tulsa had to go & ruin it.  They probably knew all of this when I was talking to them in June.  I might've been 2 months ahead of this process, if they'd just been with me.

OK people, if you have to give someone news they won't like, just do it.  I wouldn't have liked hearing telemedicine was dead in June,  But I could've already had this dealt with & not spent the last 2 weeks getting played by office staff.  Thanks Tulsa OSU Internal Medicine Specialty Services.  It was really good for quite a while & then you dropped the ball big time.  This could've ended on a much better note, but that didn't seem to work for you.

What a birthday.

Cya...