Happy Anniversary, Birthday, HIV Day whatever

This is my first blog.  Today is the first day of my eleventh year after my diagnosis of HIV.  I was  probably  + before,  but somehow that failed to register on the tests or myself. On January 03, 2001 I spent over eight hours in a hospital emergency room with two friends.  I had already taken  several HIV tests in the past, the last being about a year earlier, but it had been way longer than that since I had engaged in sex.  I'd spent most the year prior on the couch sorta hoping I'd just die. I couldn't eat, stay awake or get warm.  I looked like death and nothing like myself.  I was too thin, losing my hair and my skin looked sallow.  Chronic fatigue, Epstein Barr and other things were considered.  It wasn't until that hellish afternoon in the ER that they reran the HIV test and it was +. Sometimes I wish I'd been alone when I'd got the results, so I could've told my friends that they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  Not because of shame over HIV, not to get sympathy, but because this was the end of my life as I had known it and I wasn't sure I wanted to know this new life.  Sometimes I'm still not sure about that. So, here I am and I am 11, woo-hoo for me, I think. I don't want to be a teenager again, this HIV has already been hell enough on my skin. I'm not sure where this blog will go, so I guess we'll just see.