Chocolate, Eggs & Cottontails...

 

Today is the day to get chocolate & candy, to look for colored eggs & maybe see a rabbit of some kind or another.  Some bunnies are furry, some are chocolate & some have 2 legs.  What kind of bunny might you see today?

It's a holiday & I'm trying to get through it in peace.  Still, there's stuff going on that's making that harder.  A lot of that is the clouds that look to be here a while.  The sunlight fizzled out yesterday & became a haze.  That didn't do my SAD any good.  I'm at the hardest time for me to deal with dark days. 

Oh well, happy holiday.  There's other stuff some people might feel is more important than what I listed.  But let's be honest, the big holiday is tomorrow.  You might find some seriously discounted chocolate & candy.

Take care & happy hunting during this Ostara time.

Cya...

Warming...

 

March ending with less stress would've been nice, but that isn't happening.  The problem with some issues, is there isn't thing you can do about it.  Doesn't make them any easier to deal with.  Sit & waits are annoying.

It's bright & warmer this morning.  We may have a dip down here or there, but hopefully the serious chills are over for the duration.  Spring needs to stay sprung.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Oh Great, Another Morning...

 

Some people love mornings, not me.  To them the dawn is the promise of new possibilities.  Oh, it's day of something alright.  It's just generally stressful crap I didn't want to have to deal with ever.  I've spent a lot of my life angry, bitter & hurt that I woke up to yet another day.  I probably won't get to go the way I want, just not to wake up.  I'll probably have to be all too aware of what's going on & die just as anxious, exhausted  & scared as I've been so much of my life.  If there ever was a god, I hope it died miserably for starting this mess.  There was no grace or gift in this existence.  Just a tiresome reminder, to most things, I'm not even a speck of inconsequential nothingness.  

On another topic.  I found a starter piece regarding HIV & magnetics.  It's pretty basic & very thin, but I haven't seen anything like it before.  Give it a read.

Cya...

Maybe...

 

Maybe it's just the 24 hour internet outage, the sidelined errand or crappy weather, but I'm not doing as well as I'd like.  I'm tired, anxious & cold.  The net's working, it's sunny & supposed to warm up.  Some issues are being handled.  Still it's exhausting.

There are articles out lately about "curing" HIV.  These things are being titled & worded as if they're just around the corner & they're not.  They get hopes up about research possibilities.  These things may never materialize.  Even if they do, it may years out.  

There was a point when education, awareness & prevention were major parts of the HIV battle plan.  Now, that has been cast aside for "treatment as prevention."  anxiousUnless it's medication, there's little discussion of prevention methods.  

In a world where the current generation has the lowest awareness & knowledge of HIV, it would seem like it's time to bring back the old model.  Many of these people don't really understand the concept of HIV, AIDS or the transmission of the virus.  Prevention is prevention, treatment it treatment.  Both are important & neither can replace the other.  It's not a hard concept.

Cya...

Internet Out...

 

It turns out Optimum sucks just like Suddenlink.  The net's been out since 7 last night & we still have no updates.  I hate this.  I just want to get the stuff done I was going to do.

Yesterday was a good day until this happened.   The movie went well & we had a good meal.  I guess it was too much for everything if something crappy didn't happen.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Early Out...

 

We'll be heading out soon, so this will be short.  It got cold again.  At least it's bright.  Still, not a person in this house wanted this crap back.  Not even the cats.  I'm over the damn cold.  It didn't kill the grass or the bugs.  It just made me miserable.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Rough Morning...

 

It's not been an easy morning.  It took a lot to get out of bed.  It's dark & soaked.  Last night was windy, pouring & full of trains.  It's rained between 1.5 - 2.5" since midnight.  There's bound to be flooding.  I finally drug myself out of bed due to an insistent kitten.

We have to go shopping & it's still raining.  It's supposed to clear up mid afternoon.   The next days will be wet & near freezing.  This crap was supposed to be over.

That's all for this post.   Take care.

Cya...

Yard 1st...

 

The yard work has returned.  The 1st mowing happened.  The initial spraying has been handled.  I trimmed some of the bushes yesterday, there are more.  While I'm glad that much is done, my sinuses, eyes & breathing are not.   That comes with Spring.

New neighbors starting moving in next door.  I don't know much about them.  They have a dog.   So far, all seems OK.  

It's dim this morning & waking is being a difficult task.   We have more rain & cold coming.  Oh yay, just what I didn't ask for.  We're going to try another outing this week.  We hope to get back into some of our old normal.  Past that, not much for plans.

Take care.

Cya...

Post Renewals...

 

We thought we'd handled the renewal issue.  That wasn't the case.  My roomie got a text she needed to have an interview.   She had a rough time with this during her last renewal.  She got through the interview.  Now apparently there can be a random audit for people receiving benefits.  Just great, more hoops.  

The real issue is she felt targeted.  People like us often do.  We've been made to feel unwanted & suspect most of our lives.   When things like this happen, even if it wasn't, it feels aimed.   I haven't had to have an interview yet, but I might.   Now we wait.  

I was really hoping this round of renewals would go smoothly without drama.  That must have been too big an ask.  The thing is the people doing the interviews, already have all the info they need.  They can easily confirm any of it.  They just want to remind you what your place is.  This is nothing but a power play & waste of resources.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Renewals...

 

It's an ick morning, dismal, wet & chilly.  So much for Spring.  We got notice, our benefit renewals were due.  Mine went through last night without a hitch.  Of course that was too easy.  When my roomie's could be done, halfway through it, the internet went down.   It finally came back & the renewal was finished.  Thanks net, add to the drama.

I'm running a little behind due to this.  I need to get showered & go shopping.  We also need to run a  couple of errands.  Hopefully, it won't rain much while we're out.   It probably will.

That's it for this morning, take care.

Cya...

Broken...

 

I've seen a lot of broken people on TV lately.  Characters on trashy dramas, British crime series & even reality shows.  Sometimes damaged or hurt people are confused for the broken.   But the damaged & hurt faced trauma or hardship as adults.  The truly broken's entire childhood was a series of abuse, suffering, neglect, deprivement, abandonment...  A damaged adult might recover, the broken don't.

My roomie asked me a simple question.  Did I love our new kitten.  I didn't really answer.  I disdain that word sometimes.  Love isn't a thing I really get, ever really felt & definitely do not understand.  I can be very attached to people & things.  I can care greatly for them.  I can be hurt when they're gone.  But I don't know if that's love.  I don't know if that's something, I'm really capable of.  Maybe that's the case with  a lot of aromantics.  

I am among the broken.  We tend to find others.  Sometimes we get around those who aren't broken.  It doesn't tend to go well for either side.  They think we can be fixed or just get over it.  We tend think they're naive & someday will fall hard.  

The broken can try to support other broken people.  It doesn't always go well.  We're trying to put a puzzle together missing pieces.   Neither side is solid & both are fraying.  

Broken people are like zombies, we can spread out breakage.  To the innocent, seeing the breakage in process can be a horror show.  Trying to understand a broken can be overwhelming & many have to leave.  Children of the broken are almost guaranteed to be broken.  It's generational & contagious.   There is no real cure except avoidance.

I do my best to look after the stray cats.  It's not much, but it's what I can do.  They didn't ask to be out there scared, hungry & alone.   But broken people can only hold on for so long before we break again.  Many of us would love to give the charity we never received.  But we can't.  We don't have the resources or the reserves.  It just reminds us how futile it all is & how broken we are.

I do care for the kitten.  I don't know if I love anything.  I thought I did as a kid, maybe I even did then.  But now, that's an emotion as distant & weird to me as any sci-fi alien.  I don't get it.  I'll do what I can for the kitten, but I will get annoyed & frustrated.  I'll try to help those around me, but I can't do much.  I've spent most my life around other broken people & they could only ever do so much.  It's never enough.

To the "normal" people that have been in my life.  Some of you ran away because my life was too much.  Some of you were arrogant enough to try to fix me.  Most of you were foul tempered beasts sniping from some perceived high ground.  You may not have been broken, but that didn't mean you were good people or better than me.  It just meant you were vile, judgy and hateful.  Maybe that was your kind of breakage.

Sorry for the downer post. 

Take care.

Cya...

When It Rains...

 

A is Articles & Abundance.  Both of which I found this morning.  I found 3 & none of them are too long or jargony.  I'll start with the topic of CRISPR.  Many are aware this is a method to edit cellular DNA.  This has been a topic of many medical research issues.  This piece covers an updated report on its use in fighting  dormant HIV hiding in a body.

This next article is taking the same approach, but with drugs.  The technique goes after proteins in HIV affected cells, called Nef.  This approach has been used mostly in cancer studies.  The method uses PROTACs, a molecule that binds Nef proteins.  This will signal the cell is degraded & needs to be eliminated.   In doing so, removing virus.

The last article is disappointing,  It's about the fight against HIV's failure to make aware & educate people about the topic & options available to the public.  The piece has a video about how many at-risk Americans are unaware of PrEP.  It was bad enough the numbers aware were so low, but also what was being defined as at-risk.  The people shown in the video were all mature, Black women.  Maybe this was a topic piece or for done for some limited exposure.  But I think it missed the mark.  I don't support PrEP, but people should know everything they can about HIV & the available options. 

That's all for now.  Have a look at these.  The video info is in the here & now.  The drug & CRISPR pieces are in development.  Take care.

Cya...

Hello Spring...

 

Spring is starting off cold.  It looks to be warmer for the duration of the forecast.  But we've been here before.  I hope the cold is behind us.  I'd like for some of the dark to be as well.  I may not get either.

I really get irritated when people tell you not to be so anxious, nervous or stressed.  Especially when your  entire life has been full of stressful, nervy, anxiety inducing things.  The only times I ever remember not being in those states was when I was overwhelmed by sensory input & my mind had to focus on the moment.  If I was at a skating rink, dance club, amusement park, concert I could be present.  The pulsing, rhythmic, flashes & movement could keep me focused.  If not my mind was spinning off to the next disaster looming around the bend.  The problem was the parties do end & the crap is just around the corner.  There's always a shoe waiting to drop.

Anytime I can try to reduce stressors I do.  I get irritated when things pile on.  I understand life is stressful, but it doesn't all have to be every minute of every day.  What really sucks is that me nor mine hardly ever are the actual cause of the stress.  It's someone else's mess hitting us.

To all the perky, existentialist touting their self destiny, control & toxic positivity; please just shut up & die.  As promptly as you could would be appreciated.   Either you are lying or you're in a luxurious bubble most people will never get near.  You're either manipulative, delusional or naive.  Whatever it happens to be for you, just leave the rest of us alone.  We don't want the crazy you're selling.  We're full up with our own.

Rant's over.  Hello Spring.  Try to be pleasant & bright.  I don't need more dark or drama.  That's all, take care.

Cya...

Cold Start...

 

Even though we've finally passed the 12 hours of sunlight mark, it's still cold.  Tonight could dip down to freezing.  Spring will start off cold & most likely wet.  It'd be nice for there to be warm, bright days, but that doesn't look to be the case.  

This morning will consist of shopping & then some errands.  I'm not aware of anything else that needs handled today.  Mornings are still being a struggle, hopefully that will get better as the seasons change.  

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

St. Pat's Day...

 

It's the Irish holiday & we're more than halfway through the month.  It'd be nice if it was a warm & sunny, but it's not.   We're supposed to be cold tonight & tomorrow & then back to more Springish temps.  Speaking of the season, the equinox is 2 days out.  

I hope I make through this year without too much of a SAD issue.  I'm not sure I will.  It's been dreary a lot & the forecast has a lot of cloud cover & rain.   I'm really starting to feel it.  Little things & nothing are setting my nerves off & stressing me out.  We had a wifi blip yesterday & was corrected.  Still the resolved issue set my nerves on edge for hours.  I'll probably pick a new router up on Monday.  There was no call for my stress, yet there it was & it's still here a bit this morning.

The neighbor's put their house on the market back in November.  It bothered me then.  They'd been good (quiet) neighbors.  Well, it sold & they packed up their stuff in a U-haul yesterday.  If they come back, it'll probably be just to clean up or check the mail.  

Watching them pack up really bothered me.  It wasn't really any of my business, but still it got to me.  It was part apprehension of what the new neighbors will be like.  There's nothing I can do about that, except hope they're decent, quiet & nice to strays.  

I'm irritated with myself for being so nervy about everything.  But more, I found myself jealous of those neighbors.  Like that last dandelion puff last fall that sent it's white seeds sailing into the sky, they were going somewhere.   Maybe it wouldn't be far, maybe it wouldn't be better, but it'd be new.  It'd be moving.  That may be my biggest regret, I stopped & I never should have.

I think any moves I wanted to make or grand adventures have long passed.  I may have to accept this life, but I doubt I'll ever embrace it.  I've been here a long time & I know no one.  I could leave tomorrow & not miss anything outside my house.  Other than my roomie & cats, I have no attachments.  I have a problem with the word home.  I've lived many places, but I've never really felt like they were my place or home.  I doubt I will.

So, I'm annoyed at my nerves & my envy.  I detest that most the new things ahead of me will probably be mostly hardships, challenges & bad news.   I don't see good things on my horizon.  Maybe that's why so many people stop fearing death.  It just might be new adventure or at least a way out of this tedious place.

When the light comes back, I'll be able to put on a better face.  Still, it won't really change anything about me, this life or the way things are headed.  Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to be less of a downer, but I needed to put this down this morning.

Take care.

Cya...

Mid March...

 

It's mid March, almost Spring.  I hope this year will be brighter than last Spring.  We're planning more outings, trying to get us back to some level of normal.   It's not as easy as it should be.  COVID did a number on everything including options & prices.

We went out yesterday & it went well.  It was still a little odd.  We haven't been inside that restaurant since before COVID.  It should've been a familiar experience, but it wasn't.   Things like this should get easier in time.

It'd be great if the bright & warm days got here & stayed.  I'm not doing bad with SAD at the moment, but I don't have a lot more in the tank.  Winters exhaust & deplete me.  I need this thing to be done for the year. 

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Post Storms...

 

The storm mostly skirted north of us.  There was some wind & a lot of flash & boom.   It dumped a lot of rain, 2+".  We needed it, we're still shy of the month's average.  We didn't need it 1 shot.  Since it hasn't rained in a bit, the roads should be fine.

We'll go shopping in a bit & run some errands.  After that, we make a run to get something to eat in Fort Smith.  There are some upcoming movies we're considering.  It'd be nice to do some normal things again.  We'll see how things go.

Take care.

Cya...

Storms Maybe...

 

It was hazy when I woke & I'm still trying to figure out how many, if any, blankets to have on the bed.  We could have another cool down this weekend.  Maybe after that I can start stowing away the Winter stuff.  

The various weather services say we'll have rain, possibly storms later in the day.  They disagree on the severity of the weather.  Here's hoping for the light version.  

Haze & weird temps didn't make for a great waking.  It's still a process adjusting to the morning light.   I'll get there eventually.

That's about it for now, take care.

Cya...

Adjusting...

 

While I do enjoy the extra light after the time change, it does come with some downsides.  For me, that's primarily noise.  Since the sun starts shining earlier everything thinks it's time to make a ruckus.  For the birds, early morning idiots & even the kitten; the make all the noise sign lit up.  

I will adjust & relearn to tune it out.  For now, it's annoying & waking me up.  When it gets warm enough, the fans will be on & they buffer a lot.  Until then, I'll do my best to ignore it & go back to sleep.

There always has to be a downside, doesn't there?  That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Still Too Early...

 

After the time change, I had to deal with the kitten's early appointment.  He seems to have done well, he was making noise all night.  My sleep is not back where it should be.

Besides me being tired, the kitten is doing OK.  The older cat isn't.  I think she thought we got rid of him.   She wasn't happy when he came back.  She's  reacting to the smell of his meds.  A lot of cat's don't trust it & can get hostile.  It'll fade.

That's all for now.  I'm glad there's nothing on my plate this morning.  It's also nice it's bright & getting warmer.  That's all, take care.

Cya...

Too Early Cat Trip...

 

The kitten is at the vet's.  They'll call back later when he's ready.  This was an early trip.  It wouldn't have been quite so rough if the day before hadn't been the time change.  Oh well, things are underway.  Now, I just have to wake up well enough to go shopping.

That's all for now.  Take care.

Cya...  

Clock Sprung, I Didn't...

 

The clocks moved forward last night.  I didn't do much in the way of springing any direction this morning.  I'm not loving this at the moment, but I'll like the light later in the day.  At least it's bright on this chilly morning.

This has been an odd week with a lot of stuff happening.  After tomorrow, this upcoming week should be calmer.  I hope it is.  The kitten goes to the vet in the morning & then we go shopping.  We'll have to pick him up later in the day.

Other than some normal weekly stuff those seem to be our plans for the week.  That's it for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Chilly Forward...

 

This weekend looks to be colder.  It'd been nice to have been warmer as we spring forward with the time change.  I'm not going to enjoy this transition, but I will appreciate the light later in the day.  

We don't have much planned for the weekend.  The week was a bit much for us.  On Monday, the kitten will go visit the vet for his fixing.  Past that, everything seems to be back track for our normal. 

That's it for now.  Take care.

Cyya...

Consistent...

 

There've been a lot of articles lately discussing the same concept.  Whether it's HIV treatment, PrEP, condom use, safer sex practices, etc..., they all depend on consistency.  You can employ any of those listed things, but unless it's done regularly & properly, they won't be as beneficial.  Unless the last 3 are used in a consistent basis, they won't provide as much prevention. 

The primary thing in any post or pre HIV regimen is constant, consistent, proper usage of the medication.  Even if you have the med, if not take routinely as prescribed, it may not work as intended.   Doctors can only provide access to the meds.  The rest of it is up to you.  I'm not saying it's easy.  At times you may very well hate the meds for numerous reasons.  But not taking them, really isn't any option, if you want to manage your HIV.

HIV forces you to become consistent.  There are doctor appointments, labs, pharmacy trips, meds to take, other means pf self care & so on.  It's trying & unfortunately, the lion's share of the work is on you.  Maybe someday, they'll have a cure.  But for now, that's just a dream.  You are the only thing really keeping your story going.  Learn to be consistent regarding your HIV so there's a next page.

Cya...

Telemedicine & Car...

 

A little off this morning.  We had storms that kept waking me last night.  It looks to be gray for most of the weekend.  I didn't need that.  

I had my telemed appointment yesterday.  It went well.  The doctor has lots of questions about everything & wants this & that.  We'll see.

To add to yesterday, the car had tire issues again.  They finally replaced 2 of them.  We may need an alignment.  Between my appointment & handling the car, I was out a lot.  

For now things are handled.  That's all I've got this morning.  Take care.

Cya...

Stay Put...

 

Until I went on Triumeq, I was on what most people considered dinosaur drugs.  My meds were from the 90s or earlier.   I started on about 2 dozen pills a day, after a while they stopped producing Fortovase & I was moved to Invirase & a Norvir booster.   I was also on Didanosine & Lamivudine (Epivir).  When they stopped making Didanosine, I moved over to the 1 pill a day, Triumeq.

My numbers improved on the new med.  I had less worries about missing pills & side effects.  Still there's always issues.  New doctors want new meds.  New research reveals previously unknown issues with meds.  

Triumeq is composed of Abacavir, Dolutegravir, & Lamivudine.  Abacavir requires a test to determine if you can take it without being hyper-senstive. It is also being reported that some people have cardiovascular issues associated with it.

Lamivudine has been around the longest of the meds in this pill.  It has a host side issues & is usually only given in tandem with other meds.  It's the only med I've been on since the beginning of my regimens.

Dolutegravir is the 3rd component of this med.  Besides being in Triumeq, it's also in Dovato along with Lamivudine.  My new doctor has mentioned wanting to move me to this med.  Some people who have switched from Triumeq to Dovato have not had a good experience.  For now I'm doing all right where I am, so I have no desire to change.

For over a decade doctors have questioned my meds & their efficacy.  But there are only so many meds & changing back generally isn't an option.  So, until I have to, if I can, I stay put where I am, taking what I have been.  

Eventually something might happen & I'll need to change.  I want as many options as possible.  This article tells of a growing drug resistance in some parts of the world to Dolutegravir.  If this does become a problem for me, then I'll need something other than Triumeq or Dovato.  

That's some of my meds history & why I'm reluctant to change.  I will if I need to.  But it's going to be a need, not some doctor's whim.  Drugs get developed & modified, new info arrives, different perspectives prevail & all this affects HIV treatment.  Be educated about your meds.  Your doctors don't always know more about your drugs than you do.  Especially, not if you've been taking them longer than they've been practicing medicine.

Take care.

Cya...

Unsure Resolution...

 

Yesterday's plumbing issue seems to have resolved itself.  We could look at this as a good thing, nothing had to be done or money spent.  However, we don't know what happened, so there's that.  Hopefully, it is actually resolved.

This morning a light bulb was blinking, it'll probably go out soon.  I have to order those because they're hard to find locally.   It took me a bit, but I did find & order them.  I still have some for now, but I'd like not to run out.

The only HIV news is that drug makers are looking to extend the dosage intervals for long acting injectables.  The current for most is 1 - 2 months.   They're pushing for 4 - 6 months.  I get the appeal, but a shot getting months worth of meds in your upper ass could be bit rough.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

1st March Issue...

 

That didn't last long.  Yesterday, the toilet started flushing weird.  It did, but barely.  The city's been working on sewer lines.  We weren't sure if it was on end or theirs.  This morning I called the city & the didn't know anything.  We tried to call the plumber & had to leave a message.   Half an hour later, it was flushing normally.  We don't know if the issue is resolved or on pause.  Until it happens again, the plumber probably won't be able to do anything.

There's always issues.  I just wish they didn't always seem to fall on the weekend.  Hopefully, this was just something in the lines that worked itself out.  If not, we'll be calling the plumber back.

That's all for now.  Of course during this, my HIV specialist's office is texting me like crazy to confirm my appointment & do pre check in.  I hate the pre check in.  They always make me do it again when I get there.  

Oh well, the 1st of the month stuff starts this morning.  Take care.

Cya...

Sunny Morning...

 

This is a sunny, warm morning.  Without gripes or articles this post will be brief.  Tomorrow will start bill paying & 1st of the month stuff.   Wednesday errands will be handled on Tuesday due to my telemed appointment.  

By this time next week we'll be an hour ahead.  The  equinox is on the 19th.  Followed by Easter at the tail end of the month.  After 2023, a calm Spring would be appreciated.  We might not get it, but it would be nice.  

Take care.

Cya...

Not The Same...

Since COVID, we've been slowly trying to rebuild our lives outside of the house.   It's not been easy.  The pandemic lasted forever & COVID is still here.  Past that, we've had our own issues to contend with, but we are trying.  We keep hitting snags in the process.  

Even before the pandemic a lot of places we frequented were either going out or changing to the point we no longer liked them.  A lot of businesses never picked back up after COVID.  We've tried some other places, but so far they're not the greatest fit.  

A serious issue concerns pricing & quality.  We hit a place yesterday for something to bring home.  We used to go there fairly often, it was on the way out.  The last time we tried to go it was closed.  The time before we ordered 2 dinners & left paying just under $18 & that was an uptick on price.  This time, we'd just eaten & this was going to something smaller for midday before dinner.   We got 1 dinner & left.   That single dinner was $13+.  That's a 50% markup on price.   To make matters worse, it wasn't the same quality as before & the portions were about a third smaller.   In the end, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't worth the cost.  So another place off the list, next.

I get inflation hit, but seriously $7+ for a basic Hardees burger is not reasonable.   If restaurants keep upping their prices while downgrading size & quality, they can't be surprised when people walk away.   A lot of us just can't afford those costs.  Especially not when the quality is just so-so.

I guess we'll keep looking for the next thing.  Still, we are trying to get back out there.  It's just not been as smooth as we'd liked.

Take care.

Cya...

Hello March...

 

Hello March, let's have a good run this year.  The beginning of next week will be busy.  We'll have regular 1st of the month stuff & I have a telemed appointment.

The 9 days the time change happens.  According to the  meteorologist Spring has sprung.  The equinox is on the 19th.  Winter is fading out, but it's still not warm.

That's where we're at, take care.

Cya...