Anxious Endings...

It's the end of January.  I was hoping to end this month as so-so.  That won't be the case.  It's ending with a continuation of my disability review.  Something, I didn't even know to expect.   I hate surprises.  Especially the stressful, threatening kind.

January, you were good up until Monday.  I've finished out this month in a nervous haze.   I'll probably start the next month in the same condition.  

My interview is via phone & won't happen until 11:30 AM.  I'll be a mess until then.  This is it for now.  Hopefully, the call goes well.  Until tomorrow, take care.

Cya...

Final Wednesday...

It's the last Wednesday of January 2019.  That went quick.  I'm still twitchy about the review with Social Security tomorrow.   There's nothing I can do about it, but wait.

There's an article about drug using pushing HIV transmissions.   This time it's centered on the Boston area.   This wave of opioid usage isn't going to go away until these people have something better in their lives.  That doesn't seem to be coming anytime soon under this administration.

That's about it for today.  Take care.

Cya...

Well Sh%t...

So much for January being an okay month.  OK, I counted proverbial chickens.  Last year, near this time, I was informed the Social Security would be reviewing my disability case.  I was a nervous wreck.  I didn't get an answer by May, so I called & they said I looked fine.  I finally got a letter in June confirming that.   Now, 6 later, I get a letter, I'm being reviewed again.  

WTF!!!

My nerves went out the window.  All I had managed to hold onto this Winter evaporated.   Without SSI, I have nothing.  I'd have no $, medical, food, etc...   I manage to get a message into to them.  I wondered if I had screwed up somehow.    It took hours for the call to be returned (I consider myself lucky it was that quick).  I was informed, my 1st review was the medical part & this would be the financial.  

It sounds better than the 1st review, but still it's a review & could go badly.  I could be removed.   It bothers me they're doing this.  They know every cent I get.  There's nothing in my financial life secret from them.  It's just a republican scheme to root out people taking advantage of the system.  Like this cash is worth that effort.  It's going to cost a fortune conducting all these interviews.  The woman told me, my local office alone had over 2,000 interviews to this month alone.  So most their time will now be processing reviews.

I hate this.  This process kills me a little every time.   I think they do it, to see if you'll blink & run, financial chicken.  If I didn't have to be on SSI, I wouldn't be.  It's degrading &  limiting. This process is nerve wracking at best.

The appointment if Thursday morning.  I don't know if I'll get an answer then.  We'll see.  I won't really relax until this is over. And they tell you, "Watch your stress."  I'm watching it alright.  I'm watching it rocket into the sky.

Take care.

Cya...

January Dud Article Zone...

January has been mostly a wasteland for articles.  There's only a few days left & I doubt it will any better.  I can't expect there to always be a plethora of pieces.  I'm only interested in HIV & articles over it that may impact myself or others in similar situations.  I'm not interested in discussing OpEd pieces, nor will I constantly rehash the same pieces.  With that said, dead zones in article-land are going to happen from time to time.  

I've got to get around.  We have to go shopping.  I need a shower before that.   I'm still recovering from the unexpected trip this weekend.  But, I'm pretty much past it.   It's been over 3 weeks since my fall & my leg is better.  January is ending as an OK month.

Take care.

Cya...

Last Week Of January 2019...

Well this is going fast, January is almost over.   My former neighbor has been gone a month.  The new people are very quiet so far.  I see evidence of them more than them.  They don't leave lights on overnight, but I'm getting used to it.  

January wasn't the funnest month.  There was the stupid Trump shutdown issue.  The weather wasn't horrible, but it wasn't pleasant either.   There's been a lack of articles.  The thing with the TV.  But, we had fairly bright mornings.  That helped a lot.

Yesterday's trip to get a new TV & then setting it up left me worn out.  I'm not sure what set off my allergies, but it happened.   I'm still a little tired this morning.  Hopefully, we're done with the stress for at least a little while.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Getting Around Early...

Sorry about another short post, but stuff happens.  The only article I saw was new was about the GLAAD awards & that's not really applicable  here.   We were given a hand me down TV over Christmas.  It was our 1st big screen TV.    Well, it was nice while it lasted.  It's not working well, so we're off to see what we can find to replace it.  We'd just bring out the old TV, but the flat screen gave us so much more room in that part of the room & you can actually read subtitles on it.  

Until tomorrow, take care.

Cya...

Cold Morning...

This morning turned out to be colder than I expected.  This will be short, my fingers have no interest in typing on a cold keyboard.  I keep making typos.   We have to go shopping .  Joy, more cold.   For now, I'm going to go stand by the fire.

More tomorrow, take care.

Cya...

Seasonal Ick...

I don't remember ever doing well with Winter.  I didn't mind it as much as a kid, but that meant school might be out for the day.  I'm no fan of the cold.  It won't even do its job of killing off the grass & bugs.  

Besides being cold & dreary, the biggest problem for me during the Winter is the air.  If you're outside, it's wet & cold.  Inside, it's dry & overheated.   It's not too bad during the day.  I can get something to drink or wet my eyes.  Just after waking is the worse time.  I've breathed scorched air & had fuzzy blankets on me all night.  I wake up to a stuffy nose which is prone to small Winter nosebleeds.  My eyes are scratchy & there's a lot of yuck in my throat.  It takes a while before I feel decent.

This was my normal as an adult.  After HIV, it only got worse.  That's 1 of the many things they don't always tell you about being +.  It can make everything else you were dealing with worse, sometimes much worse.  HIV compounds everything from Winter congestion to cholesterol to aging.  Being HIV+ isn't dealing with single thing.  It's dealing with a virus that impacts every aspect of your well-being.  Being + is taxing, taking meds for it is also taxing.  It takes a toll, even if you seem to be doing well with your regimen.

This season will pass.  Then another set of seasonal issues will crop up for me face.  That's life, especially if you're +.  

Take care.

Cya...

Dogpile...

From vicious fandom/media sites to monuments steps in D.C.  Many Americans are obsessed with outrageous, degrading, rage-filled & sometimes violent confrontations over things 20 years ago we would've walked away from.  We're fighting over perceived slights & actual nasty actions taken against groups.

What they're fighting about isn't important for this post.  The point is, whatever sparked the fire was just an excuse for them  to rage at perceived slights.  For them to bellow vile diatribes.  To let their hate blaze against the "Other".

This is stigma in a direct & obvious manner. The normal subtly people express their prejudices with are torn back & the world gets to see past the veneer.  Welcome to Lord Of The Flies or some apocalyptic movie.  The world may not be ending, but this nation's sense of decency, decorum & respect seems to have.  Stigma is there for all.  There's always some group that hates another. They're just waiting for an opportunity to act. Welcome to the USA as the 2010's draw to an end.  

Maybe global warming affects our brains.  There was a 70's movie with a similar concept called Day Of The Animals.   The ozone layer thinned & even normally passive animals attacked.  Maybe that's what's happening now.

Cya..

Just In Case...

In case you're wondering how bad the Trumpster-Fire has been for HIV in the US, this article may give some insight.  Remember for all he's directly done or avoided, there's so much more he just let happen.  Even more he let others do to make living with HIV much worse than it was before him.  He's done damage to every front in the fight against the virus.  The article is nowhere near a complete,  but it's a good primer.  

If you are + & a Trump supporter, when you die, remember he had a hand in making your life lesser than it could've been.  That's not a political statement, it's just a fact concerning his (in)actions as leader of this country.   IMO, anyone living with HIV, who voted for Trump or his ilk, committed slow suicide.

Cya..

Found A Piece...

While not an article, this piece is about a man's realization that he, Winter & HIV don't mix.  It's about acknowledging Winter isn't an easy season for some at the best of times.  Add HIV & it can become unbearable.   He had some strategies he hoped will help him through the cold.  They probably aren't for everyone, but any strategy dealing with your emotional state will have to be personalized.

It's difficult for some of us to admit that something is hard for/on us.  That sometimes what's easy, enjoyable,  for others is difficult for us.  It might even be beyond our ability.    Winter is hard.  It's cold, wet & dreary.  Snow can be beautiful, but it's still frigid & can be dangerous.   The lack of light is tiring & depressing.   Having to stay in & bundled up can feel very restrictive.  If Winter is hard on you, you aren't alone in that.  Luckily, it's just a few months long.

Take care everyone & stay warm.

Cya...

Frigid Morning....

I get everything is relative, but waking to barely 20 F, is cold to me.   We never got above freezing yesterday.  It won't until noon today.  Most nights from now on will call for heaters & dripping faucets. 

It's been very dismal for the last few days.   I'm very happy to wake to a bright morning, even if it is freezing.   Bright, shiny mornings make the rest of my day much easier.  

It's hard to stay positive when all you see online or television is so depressing, dumbfounding & enraging.  You start avoiding  places & eventually you wind up really limiting where you go online, who you talk to or what you read/watch.  Eventually, you wind up pruning so much to avoid the negative, you wind with very little left.  It'd be nice to wake up to good news & happy people.  That's not going to happen in the foreseeable future. 

Wherever you are, take care.  I'm just going to watch the birds outside my window as they flit about in the snow.

Cya...

White Stuff...

Still no articles, but we got our 1st wintry mix.  I heard pattering against the windows last night.  Frozen rain & heavy snow fell.   They say we got less than .5" but there was a few inches piled the car.   We won't get above freezing, so were stuck with what the ground doesn't melt.   Most of that will refreeze.   It's pretty, but I could've lived without it. 

Take care & stay safe.

Cya...

Not Much Morning...

Other than fog, not much is going on here this morning.  I have to run to Fort Smith in a few hours & have things to handle here before that.  Articles have remained scarce & redundant.  My leg issues are becoming more sporadic.  The longer I remain in the same position, the more apt it is to hurt when I move.   

That's about all for now.  Hopefully, this fog will let up before I have to go.  Grey skies are bad enough.  Walls of grey everywhere are unacceptable.  The fog needs to go.  Take care.

Cya...

Updates....

So far this year, we've paid all but 1 bill for January.  It should be here soon.  I got an oil change & a brake job on the van.  Started the removal of piles of unneeded paper/boxes. The plumber fixed the sink.  There's still a shortage of articles.

I saw my primary doctor yesterday.  The appointment went fine, but the situation was still iffy.  He has a new nurse.  The nurse he'd had for over a decade left with the rest of the place.   This situation may not last the year.  

I have some upcoming appointments.  In February, I have 1 for telemedicine with my HIV specialist.  Sometime in late February or early March, I need an eye exam.  There'll be dental cleaning about then as well.   

Early 2019 is underway.

Take care.

Cya...

Early Wednesday Post...

I'm writing early because I have a doctor's appointment in the morning.  I guess I'll see how this situation with my doctor is going to play out.  The plumber didn't show, he's supposed to be here tomorrow.  I hope so.  I like to get this handled.  

That's it for now.  I'll post more about all this later.

Cya...

Plumber Day...

Blogger is acting weird today so this will be short. I have a doctor's appointment early tomorrow, so I have to shower later.    I have laundry to handle.  In addition,  I have a plumber coming by later to handle the kitchen faucet.  I have handled the faucet thing before, but my leg is still acting up & bending can still be a real issue.  So, he can handle it.

That's it for now.  More tomorrow.

Cya..

Possibly Long Morning....

We've got to go shopping this morning.  It may require a trip to Fort Smith.  The kitchen faucet is dying & Walmart may not carry what we need.  I don't want another single lever option if I can help it.  Those things are always a pain. I'm not sure what options they'll have.  So an excursion into Arkansas may be necessary.  If so, this will be a long morning.  

That's it for now.  My leg's still twitchy.  But a little better than yesterday.

Cya...

Leg Again....

Today is the 10th day out from my fall.  I stopped writing about it because my leg was feeling better.  But I noticed some twinges 2 days ago & soreness yesterday.  The ache is more pronounced this morning.   There's been a definite cold snap to the weather & the humidity has been 80% or higher.   So, I could have pushed too hard, too fast.  It could be the weather.  It could be both.   For now, I'll take ibuprofen.  I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday.  That could turn weird because of ongoing issues.  If it doesn't, I'll try to talk to him about it.  

Take care.

Cya...

Lost Post...

Not sure what happened to Blogger today, but it lost my post.  I guess it was just a glitch.  I'll repost tomorrow. Take care.

Cya...

Garlic...

I've seen a few articles lately stating garlic supplements may be beneficial for HIV+ people.  So far, none have been more than blips, so I haven't posted them.   Garlic has been promoted for a host of health benefits, including lowering blood pressure.  However, many HIV meds have also listed garlic as an interactive ingredient that could impact a medications efficacy. 

Garlic may have some benefits, it's currently unclear.   Recent meds may not be affected by garlic.  But seeing garlic is a supplement, I'm fairly certain research will soon show it does little to nothing.  Big Pharma can't be undone by a plant.

That's all on this for now. Take care.

Cya...

Monkey's

There are articles about amazing, wondrous, simply stupendous people living with HIV.  That's a sideways compliment.  Look they're doing that & they have a virus.  Would it be so astounding if they're weren't +?  Even if it would be, were these people incredible types before their diagnosis?  Even if they did become remarkable after contracting the virus, how many other + people are living normal or substandard lives? 

I'm not trying to diminish their accomplishments.  But, they aren't the norm & it most likely won't be other's experiences living with HIV.  An example, my roomie & I love, American Ninja Warrior.  It's still highly male today, but the number of women in the competition is growing.  However, whenever they make it through a challenge, it's treated as if watching a  trained monkey perform a trick.    Did the announcers do this to be sexist?  I doubt it it.  They just weren't used to seeing female athletes do these things.  So, instead of simply reporting the challenge like they would with men, they treated it like a circus performance & fluffed it up.

If you do something that under other circumstances or for other people would be considered normal or adequate, it doesn't make it more so just because of your gender or the fact you happen to be HIV+.   If the goal is to treat people living with HIV like normal, then stop treating them as if they're extraordinary, for the better or worse.  They're people who  just happened to have a virus.

That's all for now.

Cya...

Still Barren...

I thought by now the article flow would have returned.  I was wrong.  There are some out there, but most are rehash or very removed from my interests.  Maybe, it's the government shutdown or just Trump's presence in general.    Whatever the reason, there are few to no new articles worth covering.  

Hopefully this will change soon.  We're into the 2nd week of the year & there've been very few decent articles so far.   That's about all for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Weird Warm & A Forgotten Anniversary...

It's been weirdly warm here for a couple of days.  We hit 73 F yesterday.  It felt nice, but my head's paying for it.  The up/down temps are killing my sinuses & making my body ache.   It's supposed to drop back down to more seasonal temps.  There's still bugs & grass living & they need to be frozen.

I forgot an anniversary.  This was back in December.  Back in early December 1999, I stopped smoking.  I can't be more specific, because my memory is fuzzy around there.  That was the height of my illness.   I could barely do anything besides sit  & shiver.  I didn't plan on quitting, but I did.  It's been over 19 years.  I nearly fall over every time I see cigarette prices today.  I'd have to rob banks to pay for them now.

Nearly 2 decades without cigarettes & warm weather is the news today.  Take care.

Cya...

Clearing Out..

The beginning of the year clear out is ongoing.  Started on paperwork yesterday.  Go through about half of it before the dust got to me.  The rest will be handled soon.  My eyes are still itchy.  It's amazing how much paper you accumulate.

There are always articles over how it is to live with HIV.  These days, most make living with HIV seem nearly glamorous.  This was something that happened in the 90s & a lot of people began to think that having HIV was no big deal.   

For some living with the virus is a nightmare.  For others, it's  daily burden that can take a serious toll.  Others live's may be seemingly unchanged.  But, those people are generally only dealing with the early years of being +.  Having HIV is a long game.  There's no way to tell what may happen in the future.  I can only promise you, that there's nothing fabulous about HIV.

Take care.

Cya...

Nearly Forgot...

I got distracted looking for articles & forgot to post this morning.  I didn't find any interesting articles.  Nothing to post about in that regard.  

My leg is on the mend.  It's still a little sore.   It's going to be unseasonably  warm here today, almost 70 F.  This weather is hell on my sinuses.   At least it's sunny. 

That's about it for now.

Cya...

1st Saturday...

Not much going on today.  Little in regards to articles.  I'm recovering from my fall.  My leg was pretty good yesterday.  It got a little sore again after driving for quite a bit.   This morning, I can still tell it's twitchy, but I think with a little more rest, it'll be OK.   

The last couple of days have been dreary.   I was happy to wake to a sunny morning.   It's a lot easier on me when the sun's shining.  

That's about  it for now.  Take care.

Cya..

Tumble...

I took a tumble yesterday.  That sounds like so much more fun than it was.  I was at a store & just went down.  My right leg, gave me a good spasm & said, "no more."  My leg folded & I went down.  I got back up, but my leg just above & below my knee was sore.  It stayed that way all night.  It's still twitchy this morning.  I think it might have been a bout of sciatica.   I'll have to keep an eye on it & see how it goes.  

That's it for now.

Cya...

2019' Anniveraries...

Today is my 8th Blogger anniversary.  Happy Blog Day to me.   I'm nearing 3,000 posts.   I'm glad I've done this.  It's help me stay current with my illness.  It's allowed me to express myself when I had no other means.  I suggest blogging, if for no other reason than to able to look back & say, "Yes, I was here."

Today is also the my 19th HIV-Day.  I was diagnosed on January 3rd, 2000.   I've spent nearly 37% of my life living with HIV & having AIDS.   If I had contracted the virus a decade earlier, I'd probably be dead.  I'm allergic to some of the earlier HIV meds.  But, like the lady sang, "I'm still here."

Here's to the upcoming year.  Living with HIV isn't easy.  There are lots of blogs on it.  If you want to read some, I'd suggest  focusing on people who've been + a decade or longer.  It's easy to be all sunshine & lollipops early on, but that crap fades like a bad dye job, pretty quickly when reality sets in on you. 

Take care & Happy Anniversaries to me.

Cya...

1st Trash Day...

Today is the 1st day we'll take trash to the curb.  We'll take things we gathered from last year.  Like an assortment of boxes.  We were sure we'd use, but didn't.  It's time for them to go, before the back room is nothing but boxes.  Then we'll start on paper that needs to go.

I'll call the mechanic after we eat & see about getting the van looked at.  I think it's a brake issue.  But, I'm not a mechanic.  Hopefully, it's nothing too big.

It's supposed to rain again later.  It could become some sort of wintry mix.  I hope not.  We don't need ice.  Tomorrow will be the 1st  round of bill paying for 2019.  This is the last day of my blog's year & my HIV year.  Tomorrow will be an anniversary for both. 

That's about it for now, take care.

Cya...

2019...

It's the 1st of January.  Hello 2019, let's try to kind & get along. Millie Cat has been with us a year now. She'll be 3 in April.  If her previous person was right.  She still very much acts like a kitten.   I hoping for the best this year.  

Things that need to happen so far this month:

• Handle monthly bills
• Have the van's brakes looked at
• Clear out collected boxes & old paperwork
• Doctor's appointment on the 16th
• Possibly find a new doctor
• Place med order
• Pay AAA

So far, that seems to be it.  I'm sure more will show.  Hopefully, none of that will prove too difficult.

I wish the best for everyone this year.

Cya...