Goodbye May...

 

May is almost over & I'd like to say it had been a  good month, but I can't.  May was a challenging month for a lot of reasons, few of which originated from within our home.  The majority of this was outside, intrusive, ridiculous crap.  It was the issues of others trashing our little semblance of peace.

People need to learn, they don't live in isolation.  Whatever they do or don't do will impact others & things around them.   It's like being in a pond, you're always causing ripples.  Those waves keep going & sometimes they topple over into other people's lives.

Goodbye May.  You weren't the worst month, but you were far from good or easy.

Take care.

Cya...

Maybe Fixed...

 

There isn't much going on here this morning.  I'm glad for that.  My roomie's out with a friend & we had a friend over last night.  That's all kinds of being social for us.   For now, it's just me & the cats.

It would seem, at least for the moment, my banking issue has been resolved.  We'll see how long this last.  Maybe it'll take.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Progress & Oversleeping...

 

Sort of a short post this morning.  The neighborhood was actually quiet this morning & I overslept a bit.  I probably needed it.  

My appointment went alright yesterday.  It was a just a meet & greet.   The process was explained, the prep was laid out & the beginning of the process is underway.  The actual screening won't happen until mid July.  I didn't realize it'd take that long.  I'll need some labs before hand & then it'll happen.  It's not over yet, but the ball's rolling.

That's it for today.  Take care.

Cya...

Early Dark Appointment...

 

The forecast doesn't call for rain today, but it's really overcast.   It's pretty dark this morning & I had to be up for an appointment.  The doctors want me to have a screening.  This morning is the initial meet & greet,  then the procedure will be scheduled.  

Not the greatest morning.  I'm up early.  It's dark.  I have an appointment.  The 1st of the moth stuff is starting.  I'm waiting to see if  a bank issue I had last month is resolved.   That'll take a few more days.   

The phone bill came in & it went up $30. The discount programs I was on (ACP) ended.  That's going to rack up.  Still, AT&T is about the most dependable in my area.  If not, I'd probably be changing.

That's it for this morning, take care.

Cya...

Another Holiday....

 

Not much will happen for us on this holiday.  When I was little, Memorial Day was decoration day.  Then they decided that it was only for vets.  Now you have to check with your local cemetery about hows, whens & whys of their decoration day.  

I don't put out decorations, so this won't affect me.   What will matter, is this will mess with banks & mail.  I don't need the bank today, but who knows what might be in the mail.  I dislike Monday holidays.  They cause more issues than if they were on Friday.

That's all for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Rattled...

 

Easterly winds rattled my windows last night.  It's not common for them to make that much noise for that long.  Trains can make them rattle, but not for long.  Last night, it was happening most of the night due to the wind.  

I'm glad we don't have anything to do today.  I didn't sleep that well.  The noise kept waking me.  I'm glad that's not a common occurrence.  

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Last May Weekend...

 

May is rolling out & this is the last Saturday of the month.  It'd be nice if June forward could be a nicer year.  I know it'll be hot, but maybe some of the other stress could back of for a while.  That'd be nice.  I doubt that will happen, but if I had my druthers. 

There isn't much going on here this morning.  Maybe it'll stay that way.   This last week wasn't supposed to be hard either, but that isn't what happened. 

Take care.

Cya...

Longest Study...

 

This piece is a history article.  The longest running studies of HIV/AIDS are 40 years old.  It's a good piece about the programs.  While the article doesn't offer much new info, sometimes it's good to remember what came before.  

The piece shows researchers & medical professionals are trying.  If there are lacking parts in the fight against HIV it's not them.  It's with those who represent us in politics, religion, education & our communities.  Any failure in this matter is with individuals & groups that refuse to acknowledge the reality of HIV.   Instead they want to promote stigma, ignorance & fear.  Some are just too disenfranchised to engage in their own care or well being.  I understand that, but it shouldn't impact others.

Give the piece a read & take care.

Cya...

The Next Phase...

 

The issue my roomie is facing has moved into the next phase.  With most serious things we confront in our lives, there's rarely just the before & after.  It hasn't been that way for her & won't be from here out.

There was the before, the normal, the expected.  Then the music changed, the notes got jumbled, the tempo became erratic & then a crash.  The before, the normal, was over.

The came the uncertainty, desperate hopes & wishes.  Maybe the music would start again.  Maybe the needle just jumped the track.  But that didn't happen.  Eventually the sounds lessened & emotions sank.   Then the final rest & the piece was over.

Things go forward, but a major section of the band is missing.  The melody isn't right & there are gaps where there should be notes & rhythm.   Maybe the cruelest part of this stage is, like or not, the band does play on.

The piece will never be the same.  Even as new sounds are added & melodies are written.  There will always be the memory of what was there before.  This is just another phase in the process.  There will be more.

Maybe the missing piece has simply moved on to join another song somewhere else.  Maybe the missing part will be heard from time to time in other songs & voices.

I know I'm being a bit vague.  But this isn't my story or my process.  I'm in the audience watching the set be struck.  I don't have much more to write, except the beat goes on. 

Cya...

Possible Rough Weather...

 

This will be short.  We could have bad weather today.  Hopefully nothing goes out.  

The thing happening with my roomie, is ongoing.  She did what she could yesterday.  I'm not sure how long this will last.  This is a time where longer isn't better.

That's all for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Breastfeeding....

 

For decades the guidelines were for HIV+ mothers not to breastfeed for fear of viral transmission.  According to this article & many others, that has changed.  It seems the guidelines have switched to allow for HIV+ mothers with undetectable viral levels to breastfeed.  This is worth noting.

The academy (pediatrics) says the risk of transmission is very low when those conditions are met. However, completely avoiding breastfeeding is the only option with zero risk for HIV transmission to the baby.

So even at undetectable levels, the research still touts abstinence  as the only completely safe option.  It's a new direction.  Not sure how I feel about it.  However, it's not something I'll have to deal with.   Still, I wouldn't want to be the parent who thought things were safe only find out they weren't.

Cya...

3rd Week...

 

We're starting the 3rd week of May.  It's starting to get warm & TV shows are ending already.  This was a dud season.  It's supposed to be stormy this week.  We don't need any severe weather.

The issue affecting my roomie is ongoing & there isn't a lot of news at the moment.  It's just waiting to see how things go.  At this time, I think a quick resolve whichever way would be the best for those concerned.  Little good will come from this lingering.

That's all for now.  Time to go shopping.  Take care.

Cya...

Unexpected...

 

My roomie got a call last night.  I wasn't in the room, but I could hear the serous tone.  Someone close to her is going through a health scare & the outcome isn't known yet. Now, it's a wait & see.  There's nothing she can do about it.  The matter's ongoing.  Waiting sucks, but it could be worse.

That's it for now, take care.

cYA...

Just Off...

 

I'm staying just a little off & not sure why.   It could be late season SAD, my sleep being off, a minor sense of dread.  Whatever it is, it has me on edge, anxious & irritable.  I've no patience or spoons for anything.  

So far, the weather's better today.  The jerks didn't show up early & start pounding on the neighbor's house.  I got some sleep.  Maybe I can start coming back. 

The problem is crap keeps happening so fast I'm not catching up.  I'm not regrouping & I'm staying shot.  If there was a button that would off most the stupid, irritating people in the world & let things be for a bit, I'd hit like I was playing whack-a-mole.

The way I'm feeling, most of the world could drop & I'd be fine.   Maybe more sleep & better weather will help some.  That'd be nice.

Cya...

Wrap & Begin...

 

All the bills were handled this week.  Next month's gas bill is here already.  It always comes early.  We'll pay it soon, probably when I pick my meds on Monday.  

Having this handled, used to be a relief for me.  But after the last year, I find little to be much of source of anything really positive.  I'm to the point when something goes off, I'm not surprised.  It's more like, of course it did.  Why wouldn't it screw up?

It'd be nice not to be at this point, but my resources are tapped.  My sleep has been better, but I'm still  running on low.   The neighbor's been having work on her house done & it's taking forever.  It's already been over a week.  Those people get here early & they're loud.  More sunlight, less rain & less rackett would be nice.

That' all for now.  At least bills are paid.

Cya...

Pertinent...

I've blogged about this before, but here we are again.  Sometimes it gets difficult to find publications pertinent to this blog.  This was never easy.  I wanted to post about being a HIV+ Gay man living in rural Oklahoma.  Now, it's also about someone 50+.  

Now, unless it's about an ethnic/racial group, writing about Gay men is a non-starter.  Writing about anyone not appearing ethnic isn't high on the list either.  There's the occasional piece on aging with HIV, but that's usually to discuss comorbidities.  All the articles on HIV in the rural U.S. written in the last decade probably wouldn't fill a midweek newspaper, sales advert. 

I know, I'm ranting a little.  But with all this talk of inclusion in representation, they left something out.  For all this alleged contemporary inclusion, there's a lot of exclusion.  It seems I'm in all those things on the out list again.  Maybe people like Larry Kramer should've just stayed quiet & let this thing run it's course.

Cya... 

Mid Wednesday...

 

Nothing much is going on this middle Wednesday of May.  The only plans we have is to run an errand & handle the trash.  That's OK, we'll take a slow week.  

The weather's beginning to warm up.  The humidity is beginning to be an issue.  But, that's the time of the year.   Still, it makes my feet achy.  I have to keep note of that & not let it become a real issue.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Not Much Success Or Z's...

 

I haven't had the best sleep this last week.  I'll be fine if this settles soon.  I go through this sometimes.  It's never fun.

I've stated how I dislike when researchers promote their projects as done deals.  It can be hard for lay people to accept that these scientists are talking about the desired outcomes of their endeavors.  Often, those results don't materialize.

For some time, researchers have been touting CRISPR as a means of eliminating or at least controlling HIV.  Neither have proved accurate as it stands with the latest research.  This may happen some day, but not now or soon.  Presenting research in this manner is misleading & bordering on a con.  Every scientist knows there's always a significant risk of failure.  Presenting their case without noting the expected possibly of a bad outcome is preceding in bad faith.

Stop getting people's hopes up & just stick to the facts.  

Cya...

Bad Options...

 

This was my last phone bill where I'll get a discount from the assistance program ACP.  No sense in going into detail about ACP since it's over.  The only point is it took $30 off my bill.  The government didn't refinance the program, so it ended.  

I'm on AT&T.  It's at the high end for mobile service.  However, it's the only company that keeps good signal & speed nearby.  Most of the time, we could probably deal with another company.  But, when the power or internet goes out, that service is all we have.  That's when the other companies lesser functionality would hurt us.  

I found another program, Lifeline.  I  qualified, then  found out  AT&T doesn't handle that discount in my state.  They gave me the option of looking at the lifeline page for providers in my area that did.  I hadn't heard of most of them.   I'd have to drop AT&T & go to some 2nd stringer or worse, some local mickey mouse operation.   Lifeline's discount is $9.25 a month.  I'm not sure less than $10 is worth the risk.

I'll talk to my roomie.  Time to get around for the day.  Take care.

Cya...

Warm, Wet & Dark...

 

It's been warm, overcast & wet.  That leads to something, bugs.  There's been a lot of flies, some wasps & other flying annoyances.   But, the worst of it is fleas.  Until it gets warmer & brighter, it's flea season.   With all the birds, squirrels, outdoor cats & other animals, controlling fleas is nearly impossible for a bit.  Once it gets brighter, warmer & dries out some, they'll die back.  For now, it's war.

Cya...

So Far Pleasant...

 

I get irritated with my life.  This morning has been bright & it's supposed to be a nice day weatherwise.  I don't trust it.  Maybe it's too nice, a set up.  So I'll lower my guard.  I dislike being this suspicious.  But when I'm not, things tend to go off the rails.  I'd rather be alert & have a good day, than be caught unaware as things fall apart.

I'd love to say I was being paranoid.  But life has taught me, it can't be trusted.

Take care.

Cya...

Better, But...

 

I slept much better last night & it's a bright morning.  I'm still fairly spent though.  It's going to take a bit to recover.  Recovering from sleep loss isn't a single night thing.  

I think all we have to do today is shopping.  I'm pretty happy about that.  I'd do more if we needed to, but I think I'd for not if we don't.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Ugh Night...

 

A storm came through last night.  It wasn't bad, but it blew up a lot stuff & changed the air pressure a lot.  Within a bit, I was feeling fairly off.  I went to bed a little early.  Not that it did me much good.  

I woke a bit later cold & my head was drenched.  Apparently, I'd had more of a fever than I'd thought.  It had broke, but I wasn't feeling well.  I got back to sleep until about 6, when every possible noise went off & keep going for about half an hour.  

I never really got back to sleep.  I'm not feeling that well.  I'm sure I'll be pleasant today.  BTW, screw trains.  For whatever damn reason there were 6 of the damn things blaring through in less than 30 minutes.  I hope they all have as bad a day as I did night.

Cya...

Laws Are Needed...

 

This link is among the numerous posts online for this today.  The article details the investigation & arrest of an HIV+ man from Idaho.  He sought to spread HIV to as many men & boys as possible.  He admits having sex with between 30 - 50 men & boys without revealing his actual HIV status.  Who knows how many he infected.

These men can get treatment.   Maybe they should've known better.  Maybe it's not a life sentence.  Still, the onus was on him to reveal, as much it was for them to protect themselves.   This man is going to prison.   He may not have killed these people.  But he destroyed their lives as they had known them.  Nothing for them will ever be the same.  

We need laws against purposely spreading diseases, whether it's HIV or something else.  No one should have the right to knowingly infect another person.  Especially with something that has no cure.

I wish finding out about this was surprising, but it isn't.   That's all for now.

Cya...

Maybe Worked...

 

There's been an issue with a deposit to my bank.   The people at the other end haven't been much help.  They gave me a couple of options.  I tried switching accounts.  It seems to have worked.  I'll have to wait until next month to see if it holds.

That's it for this morning.  At least it's brighter day. Take care.

Cya...

Hazy May...

 

After all the clouds & rain, this morning is pretty hazy.  It could get a bit muggy.  Last night was a little chillier than I expected.  Just the sheet didn't cut it after a while.

I'm still trying to figure out a bank thing.  We'll handle the rest of house bills today.  I think shopping & bills will be about it for our plans.

Take care.

Cya...

Rainy Sunday...

 

It looks like it's going to be dark & rainy all day.  It's not warm enough at the moment for having the doors & windows open.  It'd be nice if this didn't turn muggy.  Weather Channel's rain measurements are off again.  Every place else has us at 4"+.  They have only recorded a 0.5".  Some of their sensors must be down.

Not much is going on today, so this about it.  Take care.

Cya...

Always More...

 

It seems there always has to be some drama.  I'm trying to fix an issue with a direct deposit & it's being contrary.  I may have fixed it.  I won't know until when the bank opens for business this week.  I'll see how this goes & then go from there.  

Really not up to much more at the moment.  Take care.

Cya...

Another Loud Night...

 

I slept better than the night before.  I didn't wake up aching.  Still, it was another loud night.  There was more storming & it woke me a few times.  Also, the mockingbirds have returned.  They weren't missed.  They can make any sound they want.  But they choose to make this awful, squawk bark all night long.  I hope the squirrels, cats or other birds drive them off soon.  They're aggressive & loud.  

We're off to pay bills & go shopping.  That's about it for today.  Take care.

Cya...

Unfun Morning...

 

So far May has been very rainy & fairly dark.  It should make for good sleep weather, but it hasn't.  The seasonal change & poor weather made me ache.  As you get older, you find you can screw up things you never thought possible.  Like, how to sleep without feeling like you've been hit by a truck.  I should adjust to the change.  I just hope it's soon.

That's about it for today.  1st of the month stuff starts tomorrow.  Take care.

Cya...

Goodbye & Hello...

 

That's that for April.  My appointment went fine.  Now the month is finished.  Goodbye April, you weren't horrible, but you could've been better.

Hello May.  Happy May Day or Beltane.   It'd be nice if this was a good month.  The month started with a downpour.   It's already rained almost 3". The rest of the week will be 1st of the month stuff.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...