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Sunday, June 30, 2024

Weather Gripe & Bye June...

 

It got hot, well it is Summer.    It's not so much that it got hot, it's that it got this hot, this quick.  I can adjust to a lot of things.  But, I need time to do so.  There wasn't any, it went from dark & cool to a few nice days  to hot, humid crap.   The heat is bad, but as always humidity is the beast.  Temps in the 90s with low humidity are fine.  Days in the upper 80s with high humidity are nasty.  Those same days in the upper 90s are a bit hellish.  This wouldn't be so bad, but this sweltering leaves me wiped out & nauseous. 

This is the last day of June.  It turn out to be a great month.  Goodbye June.

There's my weather gripe.  Hope everyone is coping with the season.  Take care.

Cya...

Saturday, June 29, 2024

Less...

 


The 2020's have not been good for me.  It started with Covid.  That caused a lot of hell & the stores have never been the same.  A lot of things I used to buy are never coming back & the prices have soared.

Bit by bit, things have been taken or lessened.  The quality of a lot of things has gone down.   Out internet company is new but sucks.  There's other medical providers & mechanics.  All the tethers we use to ground ourselves are being cut, few by us.

The last couple of years saw my diversions plummet.  Netflix killed DVD's & most of their streaming shows are pretty awful.  Then there were the 2 Hollywood strikes & nothing's recovered from that.  I'm not sure it will.   The comics I read are losing their appeal due to bad writing & art.  

The yard may have cats, but other than the occasional skunk & pissy mockingbird, that's about it.  We lost several flowering bushes & the flowers didn't do well this year.  There have been some lightning bugs but not like last year.  

Time is running out on the best show of the backyard.  I've seen no hummers, bunnies or dragons.  Some could still show, but it's less likely as Summer passes & it gets hotter.  

My health is not doing any better.  Everything takes more & I accomplish less.  Even fixing a small meal, leaves me feeling a wreck.  Things just keep pecking & demanding.

The 2020's have taken my diversions, distractions, my little joys.  They've been replaced with a crappy circus of conservative BS & religious rhetoric.  Great, another election year & olympics.   More stress & less joy.  I wish every conservative & aggressive religious type would fall over & be done.  Then I might have something to smile about.

Cya...

Friday, June 28, 2024

Probably Not...

 

It's been decades since the 1st case of HIV/AIDS.  So, when's there going to be an end to this, a cure, a vaccine?   IMO, most likely that day will never come. 

There are too many malignant people out there that don't believe in handling HIV because it isn't about them.  Or they like having something they can ridicule or shame people about.  They will never deal with HIV until they test +.

There's too much profit in HIV.  Drug companies make billions off the meds.   They'd lose that if there was ever a cure.  Another form of profit is social.  The kind conservatives like.  The people who think that any one who contracts the virus was a bad person who deserved it.  Unless of course it was them or someone in their circle.  Then it was an attack by some abomination. 

Between horrible people, greedy corps & conservatives the possibility of a cure is fairly low.  That doesn't even take into account those who are + & won't/can't take care themselves.   I think HIV is just here.  If it is cured, it'll probably be after I'm gone.

Just my thoughts on the matter.  Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, June 27, 2024

HIV National Testing Day...

 


It's national HIV Testing Day.  There's more on the day at HIV.gov & the CDC site.  You can also Google it for things happening in your area.

Short post, I need to go get some lab work done myself.  That's all for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Wrapping Up...

 

We're on the downhill of June.  Next week will be July & another holiday.  There will be bills & other errands.  I also need to get labs handled. This is going to be crunched.  

The weather's weird.  It could rain.  It probably won't & it'll just be even more muggier.

We had an early arrival this morning.  My roomie's uncle came to say he was heading back home.  He got here an hour earlier than expected.  Hopefully his trip goes well.  The event she'd had happening has passed & things will settle into a routine.  A different pattern, but I guess everything changes even if you didn't want it to.  It seems like the more you didn't want something to change, the more apt it is to do so.

That's all for now.   Maybe Blogger will work better today.  It didn't push my post through yesterday & I had to repost everything.  Take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

100 Maybe...

 


About half the weather sites say we reached 100°  F yesterday.  Some of the others topped out at 98.  Some recent Summers we haven't even seen the century mark.  It isn't going to be like this time around.  It looks like passing 100 will be fairly common this season.  Great, we didn't need that.  

That's about it for me this morning.  It's bright, hot & humid.  The last item needs to be dropped.  The humidity's what kills you.  Heat's no fun, but muggy air is worse.

Take care, stay cool.

Cya...

Monday, June 24, 2024

Getting Hot....

 

I'm still trying to get past all the stuff that's be happening lately.  I have to admit, it'd be easier if it was just a tad cooler.  The problem with this area is that it stays dark & dreary until the Summer sun breaks through.  Then it's just sweltering.  There's precious little enjoyable time in the light.  

We have to go shopping in a bit.  I'm not sure what's going to happen on the other matters.   We'll see.  That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Nerves & Nostalgia...

 

It's getting Summer warm.   I'm nervous about a lot of stuff right now, especially the internet.  I spent all of yesterday wondering when it would drop again.  I still am.  

We've been out with my roomie's family the last couple of nights.   I'm not close to them, but being out, being somewhat social, just reminded of being a version of me I haven't been in quite a while.  I hate that.  I stopped moving, I stopped going out, I stopped being social, basically I stopped being.  I'm not sure I ever liked myself, but I really can't stand this version.  When this all started & I stopped being, I should've just drove off something.  I guess I just didn't have the nerve.  So now I'm paying for it.

Hopefully, the internet situation will get figured out.  I'll get through the heat.   I do miss being elsewhere.   But there isn't much to do here & I don't know anyone.   I really should've taken an exit decades ago.

Cya...

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Quick Before...

 

I'm posting before we lose the net again.  It happened again yesterday for over 8 hours.  We have to seriously look at other providers.  Optimum is just too horrible.  

My roomie has people in town & they have a memorial to go to this morning.  It'll be a quiet morning.  Hopefully with internet.   The warmer nights are here.  They'll probably stay throughout the season.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya....

Friday, June 21, 2024

1st Day Suck...

 

Let's start with Optimum Internet sucks every ass.  There that's handled.  Twice in a week they've dropped our net for over 14 hours.  It happened yesterday.  I just needed a simple day, but that didn't happen.  Now, I'm back to being gun shy about the net failing.   I didn't need that.

So much for things starting off on a good note.  Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Summer Solstice...


Goodbye Spring, Summer is here. Hopefully it won't be much of a beast this year.  It's been a bit since we had a good season.  It'd be a welcome change.

That's all for now.  I'm still trying to recoup from all the stuff going on, maybe it'll happen.  The end of this week will be busy & different, so I'm not counting on it.

Take care.  Happy Solstice.

Cya...

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Another Month...

 

I guess June's just going to suck like the previous months.  So much for descent mornings.  I didn't even bother looking at articles this morning.  I'm too tired, spent & irritated to focus on much.  To hell with substandard internet companies like Optimum.  Too bad they all seem to be crap.   I really hope whoever causes these internet outages & those who utterly refuse to communicate with anyone about ETA's would just fall over & be gone.   Nobody needs their grief.

Done ranting.  Now I just have to deal with the rest of the week's stuff.  Take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Another Of Course Morning...

 


I guess my last few mornings weren't bad enough.  A lot of noise started around 6 & kept waking me.  When I finally get up, the internet was out.  Of course Sub-Optimum has no damned idea about restoration times.  I can't believe it, but they may actually be worse than Suddenlink.  The customer service definitely is.

Maybe more tomorrow.  Take care.

Cya...

Monday, June 17, 2024

Maybe...

 

It's cloudy & my mood is still in a funk.  I don't know when that's going to change.   I called the pharmacy.  They didn't get anything in today, but said my order should be in tomorrow.  Here's hoping they're right.  I don't need things screwing with my meds. 

It's going to be an odd week.  Besides our regular things, we have a few out of town things to handle.  After this week most of those things should be handled, but there could still be stuff in the wake of the matter. 

That's it for now, take care. 

Cya...

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Not 1...

 


I was hoping June would calm down.  I needed an easy morning after decent sleep.  I'm not getting either.  Little things keep happening & edging at my nerves.  I woke to crap noise outside & cats on the porch fussing.  I laid there just trying to rest.  Cause when I get up, I know the morning's going to be crap.  They almost always are anymore. 

I get up & the kitten has knocked a bunch of stuff over.  There's more BS outside.  I finally get to my computer & Iolo System Mechanic is trying to force a renewal on me for about $50.  I have to call those assholes & deal with their crap accents & shitty hard sales attempts.  I think it's cancelled.  If not I'll be calling my credit card. 

I'm spent.  I've been on the edge of breaking for years now.  But, it seems that something or someone always has more pressing needs & I can't deal with me.  I hate this.  I hate waking.  I hate just being here & it always being an unnerving crapfest.  The universe must hate me, it keeps having me wake up every morning.   Maybe if I could just let go, I wouldn't constantly feel like I'm vibrating so hard I could break.

On top of that I still don't anything about when my meds will get here.  I hope it's soon.  I have some extra, but this needs to end.  This is an HIV med.

So no, Apparently I can't have a good morning.

Cya...


Saturday, June 15, 2024

1st AC...

 

Yesterday was the 1st day we had the AC on.  It would've been at least the 2nd if not for needing a repair.  June is being a handful, but most of it is leftovers from last month.  Some of it we just didn't know about then, like the AC.

I slept well last night, but I need more.  I stay anxious from this lack of rest.  That level of anxiety makes it easy to freak out.  But then again, that's been me most of my life.  I don't see it changing ever. 

There shouldn't be much going on here today, take care.

Cya...

Friday, June 14, 2024

Little Better...

 

We have some shopping & errands to handle today.  Other than that, it should be a fairly nothing day.  I hope so, we could use it.  Things were quieter last night & I got to sleep better.  I'm still a little spent, but it's getting there.  My roomie's matters look to be getting lined up for her.  June got hit with a lot of leftover May crap.  

That's all for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Still Ugh...

 

Today was going to busy for my roomie, but a thing got cancelled.  Normally, that wouldn't have been good, but she a lot going on, so it actually lessened the load.  It also meant sleeping in later.  At least it was supposed to, the kitten didn't get that memo.  I wasn't fond of his wake up method & he wasn't fond of my response.  Mornings are always going to the bane of my existence.   I believe people that truly love mornings, especially the perky twats, are just pure evil.

Take care.

Cya...

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

That Kind Of Morning...

 

This hasn't been the easiest starts to a month.  I guess I should've expected that.  There doesn't seem to be any of those left in my life.  It's either costs soaring, things breaking, people going, shows cancelling, etc & on & on.

But I had a sobering morning.  Every once in a while, I can sleep well enough that I'm not entirely aware of things for a bit.  For a few moments, I'm relaxed, alright, hell maybe even a little happy.  Then it all starts sinking in on me.  I'm still here in this place, this life.  Then I'm wide awake, anxious, frustrated & angry at existing.

Those few moments of peace, maybe even just seconds, cost me a lot when they fade.  Then I'm tense, upset & looking for the exit.  People should come with an "I'm Done" button.  Something that would just let them peacefully opt out.  I'd probably pushed mine when I was about 8.  I would've missed some scare fun bits & some nice people, but I would have avoided the crap show of my life.  I knew I shouldn't be here 5 decades ago.  But I kept lying to myself, things would get better, there'd be good things, finally I'd feel safe.  No one can lie to you, like you can lie to yourself.

I hate mornings.

Cya...

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Fixed & Feeling...

 

OK, the AC is fixed.  It was a little pricey, but that was expected.  That's less on our plates, especially since it's supposed to get hot this weekend.  Yay for good repairmen. 

Talking about feelings seems to be a rage & has been for a while.  I call BS on a lot of these conversations.  Everyone has feelings, emotions & issues.  It doesn't mean we all share those same experiences.  

People like to talk about empathy & sympathy.  I don't think most people actually get those concepts.   Sympathy is understanding what someone is going though due having undergone something similar.  Empathy is the act of feeling someone else's experience.

When I was younger, when life & myself were much more chaotic, there were times I'd get very uncomfortable.  I'm slightly claustrophobic.  It's not about small places, it's about feeling trapped or constrained.  Sometimes when if I was having an off day & would be at a packed mall or store, I'd get anxious, even fractious. 

I've had people tell me it was due to me picking up on other people & their energies.  They were endowing me with empathy.  It wasn't empathy, it was bad math.   It was my weird reaction to small places & feeling like a trapped pinball with limited options on where to bounce.  Of course, when I got to a less congested area I felt less apprehensive.  It was bad math flow issues & my reactions.  It wasn't my ability to feel the energies of other people.

My roomie is going through a significant loss & I can try to be supportive.  However, I can't empathize or really sympathize.  I've never gone through something like this & have no real experience.  I could sympathize with her frustration over the AC issue or the worry it wouldn't get fixed before the heat set in.  I had & was experiencing the same.  But due to my life, I'm ignorant of the matters she's going through at this time.   

There's nothing wrong with not being able to sympathize with something.  You can still try to be supportive.  When I was just starting out on HIV meds, I had a bad reaction to a med & it left me utterly exhausted & so weak I could barely walk into the doctor's office.  My roomie had a serious health issue a while back that put her in a similar condition.   Later, she told me that until that point, she had never truly understood what I was going through or what that level of exhaustion was truly like.  Before she was trying to be supportive, unfortunately later, she could sympathize.  

Being supportive takes your willingness to be there.   Sympathy requires experience.  Empathy is a fantasy, super power or some person's need to interject themselves in another's situation or trauma.  They aren't feeling the other's experience, they're trying to highjack it.  They're trying to be relevant.  Support is being caring.  Sympathy is having knowledge.  Empathy as it is defined now, is narcissistic, manipulative crap.

Cya


Monday, June 10, 2024

Need To Get Started...

 

We have things to do this morning & need to find someone to fix the AC.   When I did sleep last night, it was fine.  The problem was I kept thinking about this morning & woke up early.   I hate waking up, nothing good ever comes from it.   It's just another facefull of  old fuckery & whatever new hell has decided to grace my life.  There are somethings in this life that aren't worth doing.  Waking is on that list.

I'll get cleaned up & then we'll go shopping.  Then the calls for a repair person will begin.   It'd be nice if this went smoothly.

Cya...

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Of Course That Happened...

 

There was an "Of Course" moment yesterday.  I went to turn on the AC for the 1st time & it didn't turn on.  I figured somehow it had come unplugged.  I was sort of right.  At some point, the kitten knocked some heavy stuff off a shelf & broke the AC plug.  Now we have to wait & see if the power cord can be replaced or if we have to get a new AC.  

I know I should've already tried it, but I can't keep up with everything on my own.  I just can't.  Most of the time I'm too scattered & exhausted to keep with much anymore.  I've spent a lot of the last few years overwhelmed, fatigued & anxious.  There always seems to be something going on with everyone & everything else.  It somehow always takes priority & I don't get better.  I'm tired & sometimes I just can't.  Then things slip through, because I'm usually the only person holding the proverbial bag.

I'm tired & I'm getting angry.  But everything & everyone else always has their reasons why that it's dumped in my corner.  Another thing to try to tend to.  I can't anymore

Cya...

Saturday, June 8, 2024

There's More Out There...

 

There's been a lot of talk & articles like this piece discussing the move away from condoms.   This is a choice made by people who think PrEP is the only thing they need.  Apparently, they forgot there are a lot of other STI's those meds don't treat.  Those range from the treatable to the forever, like herpes.  That fails to mention pregnancy. 

Because condoms take thought & effort, people have pulled away from their use.  There's a host of reasons from sensation to trust.  They only seem to worry about HIV.  They've gotten spoiled with PrEP.  Some even refuse any sex with a condom.  Condoms are viewed as outmoded & restraining.  Hell, the medical profession even changed from calling these illnesses from STD's to STI's because they thought the word infection was less stigmatizing than disease.  Can't offend anyone with reality, so lets try wordplay.

Condoms are cheap, easy & available.   They don't require a doctor.  If used properly, are as effective as nearly any other prevention besides abstinence.   There will never been safe sex, only safer.   But you do you & hope you don't catch something that used to be treatable & is now drug resistant.

Cya...

Friday, June 7, 2024

1st Week Of June...

 

The 1st week of the month is almost over.  The weather & other things have conspired to make this week a little tiring.   Maybe that'll get better.  All we have today is shopping.  Then we'll check the mail & come home.

That's all for this morning.  Most of the articles were merely rehashing points I've already posted over a lot.   Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, June 6, 2024

June Thursday....

 

It's been a little bit since there was nothing to do on Thursday.  A lot has been up in the air & things have had to be handled.  But today isn't like that.  At least, not so far.  

June bills that can be handled, have been.   It looks to be bright today.  The trash is gone.  Maybe today can just be a bit of nothing.

That's about it for now, take care.

Cya...

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Yuck Night...

 

Between more storms & a rampaging kitten, sleep was elusive last night.  When I'd get to sleep either the weather or cat would wake me.  The last time the kitten woke me was right before 6.  It took me almost an hour to get back to sleep.  Then I overslept.  

This is it, we've got to get going.  We have to finish bills today.  Take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Argh Not Article...

 

I saw the title of an article today that could've been very interesting.  Too bad that didn't work out.   The piece was about PFA's or "Forever Chemicals" and their impact on people living with HIV.  There were issues with the piece.  1st, it was about pregnant women & blood pressure.  2nd, it was too brief & said little.  It was the suggestion of an article, not an actual piece over something relevant. 

PFA's  are a health concern for everyone.  They may very well impact HIV+ people differently.  They could interact with the meds.  For those unsure of these matters, give the movie, Dark Waters a watch. 

That's all for.  There's been more rain.  Take care.

Cya...

Monday, June 3, 2024

June Bills Storm...

 

It's time to handle the 1st of the month stuff.  Of course, this is the day it decides to be dark & stormy.  I could handle the rain if it wasn't for all the gloom.   It's gotten to the point in my area, by the time you get solid sunlight, it's hot.

Other than bills & shopping, there were shouldn't be much going on this morning.   That's about it, take care.

Cya...

Sunday, June 2, 2024

Odd Beginning...

 

The month is starting on an off note.  It's things hanging over from last month that haven't been handled yet.  Even then, things will be very different for those impacted.  

This won't be forever.  Though for my roomie & hers, it might seem like it.  Loss is a series of blink fast incidents & long, drawn out spanses.  Neither is easily handled.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Hello June...

 

It's a new month & sadly there's always carry over from the previous month. Sometimes even year.   That's the case for my roomie & those around her.  There's no quick resolve for their issue & no fix.  This is a long road thing.   Maybe it's better that way.

June is here & 1st of the month stuff will start on Monday.   It's looks like warm weather may be closing in on us soon.   Maybe it'll kill some bugs.  I don't know why I say that.  Some of them die back a bit, but they're never completely gone.

Here's hoping the month treats you well.  Take care.

Cya...