The end of the month is here. It wasn't a good month, but then again it wasn't a good year. December is all that remains of 2024. I wish I could say something more positive about the month, but I don't have anything to offer. This might have been a good year, but too many things happened. Far too many people showed their true colors, orange.
Goodbye November, wish things could've gone better.
Cya...
Thanksgiving has passed & December starts on Sunday. 1st of the month stuff could be crunched with the holiday & weekend start. Jason's going to have a cold Friday the 13th. There's only 6 days until Krampusnacht, 22 days until the Yule season starts, 26 days until Christmas & then less than a week left in the year.
Some people are looking forward to those dates. Mine is 100 days off when the time change happens. It's about the only thing I'm looking forward to. If things do impact me, it's mostly in a negative way. So for me, springing forward is about it.
That's all for now, take care.
Cya...
Thanksgiving is here, OK. I don't have much to post about today. I just want the holidays to be done. They aren't going to do anything for me. I'm tired of acting like a day is special, when it isn't to me. Things were supposed to play out different this year, but that didn't happen. I should've know better.
There really isn't anything else to say on this grey morning. Take care.
Cya...
I guess most people want to be wanted (choose your song reference). But, a lot of us aren't. I didn't jump on the bandwagon supporting the inclusion of all the various groups these last years. Whether they're Gay, trans, POC or some other distinguished group, they all wanted the same thing. They wanted to be in the room with all the other people. They wanted to be included. They wanted a seat at the table, to share the moment & conversation with other people. They didn't want to be alone, to be the outsider, to be the obligation or the freak.
I think most of us go through this at some point. For some of us, it nevers ends. If it does end for some, they're probably always afraid it'll return. I had those things for a while when I was younger. Long enough to know what it felt like & then it was gone. I didn't cause it, but still from then on I was the person outside looking in.
I never had the nerve to demand inclusion like the masses of trans & queers of recent times. I knew that wouldn't work. Still, I could talk, I could dress myself up, I could make myself capable of being included. There was always a price. I could never really be me. The time at these events was always precarious. A single misstep & I was out. There would be whispers & side glances. They'd wonder who brought the stray. They'd check their purses, wallets, etc...
Even at my most saleable, there was still only so far I could go. Eventually, my In would tire of the questions & bail on me. When the dazzling diversion they thought I could provide turned out to be something else, they felt cheated & cut me loose. When you play this game of inclusion, you aren't really included. You're the oddity, the prop, the conversation piece. You're the tolerable weirdness brought to keep the party from getting too stale. Eventually they tire of the flavor or you burn too bright & it's over. Back to the outside for you.
These people who clawed for inclusion this last decade never really were. They were just the current props used by the social, political, fashionable topsiders. This election must of been a very sobering wake up for them. Society still sees them as the freak, the refuse, the feral trying to get into their party.
People that don't accept you for being who you are from the start, will most likely never accept you at all. They may tolerate or use you, but they'll never really open the doors to the estate for you. Unless of course you're the help. Remember, the mean girls never really want you to change, they want you to go away, to not exist.
Begging for inclusion always comes with a price. You're selling a bit of you, your self, your spirit. You're dimming that bit that makes you, you. Maybe it's better to blaze out in the darkness than to be dimmed at the ball. There are no good answers.
Take care.
Cya...
We had the 1st serious colder night. It didn't quite get below freezing, but still. The freezing temps are supposed to happen later in the week. The full, seasonal load of blankets went on the bed & it was the 1st night with the heater.
Even with the heater on low, it takes some getting used to. The heaters & blankets are necessary, but they're hell on me. They mess with eyes, skin & breathing. I overslept, after sleeping weird. I was dehydrated to the point of low blood pressure & a nose bleed. Hello Winter, I hate you.
The holiday is almost here. I'm already over it & wish they were just done already. They'll mean nothing for me except annoyance & missed mail. Maybe, I feel better about them next year.
That's all for now, take care.
Cya...
I thought I had plans for Thanksgiving, turns out I was mistaken. I found out last night & it irritated me. Now, I have to decide what, if anything, I want to do for me. I'm leaning towards nothing. Yet another reason not to like holidays.
The news didn't anger or even surprise me. It was just par for the course. But it did irritate me & nerved me out a bit. Now I was back to zero. I went to bed that way & didn't sleep well.
The thing is, Saturday was a decent day for me. I felt better & things were going OK. I almost said something about it, but I didn't want to jinx it. Turns out, it happened anyway. I'm to the point of being suspicious of anything resembling good or even OK in my life. It's almost always followed by crap.
Do I think this was aimed at me? No, I don't. But, I'm still having to deal with it. I guess it doesn't matter much, I was like always, just a +1. I think I may have to be done with holidays for a while. All they ever do is bring me issues, anxiety & crappy nostalgia. I'm not in a good enough place to handle that anymore.
Of course, the stupid holiday is messing with out trash pick up. There'll be 2 weeks of trash gathered before getting to the curb. They get holidays & I get anxiousness & extra trash. Sounds about normal.
Take care.
Cya...
Today & tonight are going to be weirdly warm. Tomorrow' temps will drop 25°+. It's those swings in temperature & humidity that cause me problems. They leave aching & cold. House temps are important, but ambient conditions are still impacting people. It's still 105 days until the time change. Maybe by then it might start being warm again.
Not much else going on here this weekend. Take care.
Cya...
This is Machen at about 6 weeks old this time last year. We tried to find him another home, that didn't work. No one we knew or could find would take him. Funny how they all got cats shortly after. Shows how much you can count on people. He's a little over a year old now & has been with us a year. He came in the door 11/21/23 & I guess he's staying. He's still growing into cathood, but is already a chunk. As with most the boy cats we've had, he's won't win any IQ awards. The older cat, Millie, still doesn't like him. I think she's decided to think of him as exercise equipment.
A year out & the Thanksgiving kitten is still here. Take care.
Cya...
This isn't technically a bad morning, it's just annoying. Everything is taking extra steps & I woke up late. It's cold & I'm sluggish. At least my cold seems to be going away. Now, I just have to get around so that we can go shopping. It didn't help that Windows had to update this morning. It was a really slow download too.
Other than the annoyances & cold, at least it's bright. We'll just get this morning stuff done & come home. Then that should everything for today that's out of the house.
Take care.
Cya...
It figures, my cold is finally fading & the weather has to ramp up. It's stupid dark early & now it's getting cold. The house is closed. I'm needing blankets & afghans. There goes my breathing for the season. Soon, we'll have to have the heaters on & taps dripping. I hate Winter. My skin's already having issues. My feet are prones to heel cracks & swelling when it's this cold. I can buff, lather, lotion, etc... nothing helps much until it's warm again. From October to April sucks.
There are 9 days left in the month & 40 in 2024. Turkey Day is only 7 days away & there's 34 until Christmas. There are 108 days until the time change.
I wish I could be excited about the holidays, but I'm not. I don't hate them like I used to, but they're at best reminders of things long gone & sometimes nostalgia can be too much. If I lived by myself, I'd probably just ignore them & act like they didn't exist.
If you're out there, try to be kind. Some of us are just trying to get by. Sometimes all this holiday cheer is nothing but a reminder of how you're not part of something, at least ways not anymore. So when you see the strays & feral, 2 legged or 4, if you can't be kind, at least do no harm.
Take care.
Cya...
I've wrote about telemedicine before & probably will again. It's made a huge impact on my HIV treatment. I don't have to make long drives, make sure I have the means to, spend the time during & after to recover from the trip or deal with the expense. It was an all day event when I still had to travel for these appointments. It was expensive & I needed someone to go with.
This article is about telemed's involvement with HIV treatment. When I started, a coach bus would come into town with a mini exam room & cameras. The doctor would be on the screen & their nurses would handle the actual exam. There's no more bus & telemed has become an industry. I go to a clinic that has a room dedicated to telemed appointments. It's a lot smoother. I imagine it will only get better with time.
Medicine & testing have been a massive part of the fight against HIV. But sometimes, it's the logistics & infrastructure that help the most. Does telemed improve the meds or tests? No, but it does help my access to things.
That's all for now, take care.
Cya...
There were light storms last night & they spiked the humidity. That did a number on me & I coughed a lot. Nothing came of it except for a lack of sleep & a lot of aches.
We'll go shopping soon. It could storm more later. If it does, I hope they're not bad. We don't need that.
It'd be nice if articles got back into things. Most lately recovering past topics or unrelated to the blog. Maybe soon.
That's it for now, take care.
Cya...
Fall is more than half way over & the holidays are on their way. Only 11 days until Thanksgiving & 37 until Christmas. Yule is 33 days away & then comes Winter. The next few days may be the last of the 70s until Spring. Now, we'll start dipping into colder temps. Just a reminder, there's nothing good about the dark of the year.
I slept a little better last night, but I'm still coughing some. The cats were less of a nuisance. Which was helpful. I think I'm slowly getting better.
That's all for. Take care.
Cya...
This cold or whatever crap is still here. Yesterday was better than Thursday but still not great. Last night might have been better, but the cat's decided my room was part of some derby. The older cat got pushed out the door after woke me twice by squeaking straight into my ear. We'll see how today goes.
That's all for me. Take care.
Cya...
I'm actually feeling a bit worse than yesterday. This was a busier week for me than it needed to be. If yesterday's appointment hadn't been bumped, it wouldn't have been as busy of a week for me. I had other things planned before the bump that still needed to happen. All of that colliding, did me in.
The medical appointment went fine. It seems my new provider is a very check the boxes & move on type. She's not unfriendly, just removed. I can deal with that, it's just not what I'm used to. I didn't have the best of experiences with their new lab tech. Hopefully she gets better.
I need to get around & go shopping. This day needs to be over already. Take care.
Cya...
This won't be long, I have an appointment this morning. It was supposed to be last week, but it was rescheduled last minute. It's a regular appointment, so nothing should be an issue. Here's hoping this goes smoothly.
I slept somewhat better, until this morning. Then every noise started. I also knew I had to get up a little earlier. I hate that. When it happens, I either way under or over sleep.
Anyway, this should over soon. Take care.
Cya...
It's cloudy & I overslept. I managed to sleep a little better last night, but still not great. I didn't have as much coughing. But, it's to the point of wheeze coughing & sore ribs. For me, nothing good comes in the dark of the year.
Sorry so short. That's about it for now, take care.
Cya...
I have 3 things to post about this morning. This article is good for me. It's a piece discussing how ViiV's Dovato is highly effective in treating naive HIV in patients with advanced cases. There'd been pieces on patients on other regimens prior to Dovato, but this is the 1st time I've seen anything on people starting with the med.
Next, it's brighter this morning & I'm feeling somewhat better. I'm not completely over this, but I slept a little better last night. Maybe I'll be over this soon.
Finally, for more than a decade people have been sniping for others to "read the room" or have a little empathy. Accusing people of being tone-deaf was also common. It's seems the Democrats did not read the room or any of those other idioms. Perhaps if the party I voted for had, they'd realized how many people felt disenfranchised by the message they were selling. However, the Republicans didn't succeed at that well either. That's obvious by the massive amount of people who simply didn't vote.
Good news about Dovato. I'm glad I'm feeling a little better. I'm trying to come to terms with this political BS. My wish for those who empowered the orange bastard is, when he finally screws them over, someone in the most vile way laughingly reminds them of who they voted for. As for the non-voters, maybe they should stay under their rocks. As for me, I probably will be registered as an independent for the next go around.
That's all, take care.
Cya...
I was feeling a bit better yesterday until late in the evening. Then I started feeling rough again. When I looked outside later, it was extremely foggy. The fog's less dense, but it's still here at 10 AM. It needs to go. It trashed my throat & sinuses.
Hopefully, I'll do better today. Take care.
Cya...
I never make the time change or seasonal change well. Combine both of those with the things going in our home & at large, it's no wonder my sleep is off. My sleeps been off for a bit. The weather & light changes mess with me. The early dark screws with my patterns & the weather isn't warm or cool enough for good sleeping. The constant rain lately has left me so achy that I'm waking a lot to reposition.
I woke sore & tired. I also had a some coughing with a bit of a sore throat. I was also fairly dehydrated. The air's so wet, that when I tried to use a match this morning it was too moist. I had to get a lighter to light a candle. I don't like the way closed houses can smell after a bit, especially when it's so wet.
Hopefully, I'll adjust soon to these changes. There's not much else I can do about it. That's all for now. Take care.
Cya...
Medical research has historically had an issue with studying broad enough populations. In the beginning, it was often either White men or people in situations where they were unaware or without freedom to choose. HIV research may not have been done by force or duplicity, but it has been historically just as limited.
Early on, most the studies were only on White males. Then slowly they began adding people of color. Then they added trans-women. But seldom were woman or girls included in the research. If they were, it was generally much later in development.
This article is about Gilead's attempt to design inclusive studies. In sub-Saharan Africa, woman are more greatly impacted by HIV. Any research there should focus foremost on them. The piece goes into more detail about how they have used this during their research for their long acting injectable.
Give this a read. Hope everyone is doing well. We're trying to do as well as we can.
Take care.
Cya...
I didn't expect good things out of this month, but it's decided to be a real ass. The house & car have needed work. The time change happened. It dumped a massive amount of rain on us. It's staying dark & getting colder. We've been ill. Everything is just picking at things. Then the nation decided to give a refresher on how much it hates people like me; Gay, HIV+, single, on disability, poor, etc...
Not every night, but often, for as long as I can remember, I wanted the same thing when I went to sleep; to not wake up. If I had to wake up, to at least not be me in my life. 50+ years later, I'm still here & cursing waking up. There are no gods. If there are, they're all sick & hateful things that get off on suffering. Let me make something clear, life isn't precious or sacred. It's just something you have to endure as long it lasts.
To all the people who voted to remind us how much you hate everything, just a reminder that everything probably feels the same way about you.
Cya...
This is a crappy morning for several reasons. 1st off, it's morning & we are always contrary to each other. My roomie is ill & I'm still not feeling well. I was supposed to have a medical appointment right now, but it got rescheduled last minute. It's now at a less convenient time next week. If I'd known sooner, I could've schedule the repairman to fix the roof issue earlier. But that would've been considerate.
Finally, we have proof that Democrats can't pick an electable candidate. People choose that orange bastard over her. He can do a lot of damage in 4 years. I hate a lot of people right now. But the Democrats have their own culpability here. For too long they've lived in a world of ought-to-be's & wouldn't-that-be-nice's. They've kept their heads in this pretty, rose colored version of should-be, instead of what actually was. I don't think people voted for that bastard as much as they voted against her.
Maybe we'll get through this.
Cya...
We had almost no rain in October & were short in September. Instead of being normal, the damned weather decides to dump 10"+ on us in 2 days. That makes up for this month & the last 2 with change left over. That's only 5 days into the month.
There's flooding & it caused some issues with the house. We'll have a handyman over tomorrow. Hopefully, he can get this fixed. We didn't need this.
Just more frustration & it's election day.
Cya...
There have been articles lately purporting anxiety & depression may be impacting HIV viral suppression. I'm not posting links to these for 2 reasons; none of them were clear of what they were actually discussing & nor were they clear on causality or correlation.
Meaning, none of these pieces were clear on what was causing what. Is there a relationship between anxiety & suppression? Is there non-adherence or is the mental state affecting the body to the point of suppression interference?
Another point, many doctors & researchers treat anxiety, stress & depression as merely mental issues. Any of them can be mental health diagnoses. However, sometimes life is & continues to be stressful, depressing & anxiety ridden. Not all anxiety or depression is due to a mental disorder. Many meds can induce anxiety or other factors like sleep interference or emotional reactions.
Until definitions are clear & direction of correlation or causality is shown, this research is at best a discussion point. Putting abstracts out like these does no good. It supports a hunch & may put further stress on patients trying to maintain suppression. IMO, unless there is more not shown in these articles, these should not have been published at this time. At this point, they came across as jargon supported conjecture.
Take care.
PS - we had 7" of rain in 24+ hours. We passed our average & made up for October.
Cya...
It's the 1st day of standard time & I hate this BS. It stormed last night & will again tonight. So much for early morning light. It'll dark by 5:20. For anyone who likes this crap, there are caves or basements you can live in, damn troglodytes.
Another 126 days until we get a chance at proper light again. I hope something in the darkness is the end of those who like standard time. They should just stick to DST.
Basically; it's dark, wet, chilly & I hate it.
Take care.
Cya...
November is here & I'm not holding out any hopes for a good month. Those don't seem to happen any more. We're also into the holiday season. Add to that, the election is this Tuesday. I wish I could trust people not to be stupid asshats. But, I can't.
This article is over a new approach to PrEP. I'm not going discuss it much, because I think it's rather ridiculous. It's about using a medicated, anal douche before sex to prevent HIV transmission. If people can't/won't use condoms, regular PrEP meds, or choose different sexual outlets; what makes anyone think this stands a chance of working in the real world?
There's the article, give it a go if you want. Other than that, take care.
Hello November.
Cya...
