Goodbye August & 57...

 

This is the end of August & me being 57.  I'm more upset about the month.  That means were heading into more dark hours in the day.  Other than normal Saturday stuff, we don't have anything planned.  

I still don't have much planned for my birthday except eating out.  That'll probably happen Tuesday.  Tomorrow could be too packed being the Sunday of Labor Day weekend.   I'd like to deal with less people during my meal.  We're going to hit a place here in town.  Nothing in Fort Smith is really seeming worth the drive over.  Most the places we used to go have died or go downhill.  

Here's to September & 58 being better than what came before.  Surely that can happen, it's fairly low bar.  Take care.

Until next year August, goodbye 57.

Cya...

It's Ugly But Not Hard...

 

There are always so many articles about stigma & HIV.  I gave up reading them.  There has always been & will always be stigma.  Notice I didn't say against HIV.  I've dealt with the concept most of my life & only later did I have to concern myself with HIV.  There were other things in my life that people stigmatized, like my raging, drunk parents.  

People love to hate, fear, rage.  It gives them a focus.  As a unifying matter of us versus them.  Also as a way not to look inward & see their own flaws & fears.  It's just a stage trick, look at what I'm screaming at not at me or mine.  Don't notice how screwed my life is, look at those horrible people doing those awful things.

People look to degrade others sometimes based on matters they choose, but often for arbitrary things like skin color, sex, handedness.  These emotions may aren't rational & won't be reasoned with.   Stigma is a tool of the angry, scared, dark nature of humans.   

If stigma could have been undone, we wouldn't still have so much violence against women, people of color, different faiths, orientations, etc...   People hurt others because they want to hurt others.  Whatever reason they give is the excuse they use to give themselves permission to be monsters.

Stigma is ugly, but simple.  It's a tool for defense, division & dominance.

Cya...

Tapering...

 

August, the temperature, me being 57;  these are all things coming to an end.  It's all winding down.  I hope the weather doesn't cycle into some other form of difficult beast.  August will always conclude.   

As for me, I'm trying to come to some terms with this year.  I didn't like it & it wasn't enjoyable.  But maybe we can at least part on neutral, even if meh, terms.  That'd be better than where I've been most of 57.  

It's not the getting older that bothers me.  It's the losing things & not having them replaced.  The constant breaking, lessening & tedium.  My roomie seems to be able to find things to look forward to better than I can.  

Life should come with options.  You can taper off & eventually flicker out.  Or you could just opt for the off switch & be done.  Go out in a party, a rage, a song.  Whatever, however, but on your terms.  That'd be nice.  That'd have some dignity, maybe even some elegance to it.  

That's it for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Lasts Of August...

 

We've been in the last of August since Saturday.  This is the last trash day.  We have some errands & that's about it for today.  There's only 3 days left in my birth year.  

The 1st of the month is going to be off due a holiday & it starting on a Sunday.  But that means we get a Jason Day this month.  It'd be nice is September would calm down a bit.  But that month is usually the most on for me. 

Next Wednesday I have my telemedicine appointment.  That's only set thing I know of at the moment.  That wraps this for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Still Not Good...

 

I hate this time of year & it's not just because my birthday means I'm getting older.  I don't remember this time not having a lot of stress.  There's always BS happening.  When I was young there was never anyone around that even acknowledged my birthday.  

The light's lessening & that makes me nervous.  The house is always near something breaking.  There's always something keeping me on edge.  Yesterday wasn't any better.  Things just refuse to work & let me be.  

I didn't sleep well last night.  I was too strung out.  I wish whatever was trying to break me would just do it & get it over with.   I'm tired of being the but end of the joke.  I give, let it be done.  There's nothing for me to gain here.  There's just more hell to endure.  My next year will most likely be worse than 57 was.  The last 25 years were a mistake.  Whoever said living was enough was very wrong.  Life sucks.

Cya...

Not Good...

 

I didn't have a good day yesterday.   A lot of things just didn't go well.  Most of them weren't big, but they piled up.  I'm just done.  I can't fix anything, anymore.  But, that's who it'll fall to, me.  Because no one else is going to do it or much of anything else for me.  It's gotten passed the point of me just not wanting to.  It's really to, I just can't.  

This year has sucked & my birthday is this Sunday.  All I really want for it, is not to be here.  I don't think I can handle another year of this.  I'm just too broken & I may very well be missing pieces by now.  Other than my roomie & some cats, I don't have anything.  I'm trying to let those be enough.  But, there's nothing I want anymore except to get off this ride.  I'm tired, achy & usually scared.  This shouldn't be life.  I'm glad my parents are dead.  I hate them for condemning me to this life.

I should be in a better.  My labs did well.  It'll be cooling soon.  My birthday is near.  But, I just want to sleep & not wake up.   Abortion should be legal & highly recommended. 

Cya...

Maybe Cooling A BIt...

 

If the forecast holds, this upcoming week will be in the mid to upper 90s.  There could be storms late in the week & cool things down a bit.  If so, the temps are supposed to drop into the 80s.   That's still warm if it's humid, but better than the 90s.

All of that could change by this afternoon.  It's hard to tell with our local weather.  This month doesn't really need any more rain, but being cooler would be nice.

BTW, my new Real ID license finally got here.   That thing is thin.  Take care.

Cya...

Hopefully Nothing...

 

All I want from today is nothing.  August hasn't been easy on me or mine.  We've had a ton of crap to handle, the weather's been rough & half of it we've spent sick or on the verge of being ill.   So, it'd be nice if today was actually just a complete nothing day.  Thursday could've been like this, but neither of us a good morning, then the lawn guy came & mowed.  Then I needed to handle some yard stuff.  So that day was blown.

Here's hoping the nothing holds for today.

Cya...

PS - Labs are back & look fine for me.

Winding...

 

There's less than 10 days left in my birth year & August.  Neither was enjoyable.  I haven't had a good month since August 2022.  Nicer weather & no drama was what it had going for it.  Since then, it's been crap.  

As for years, I can't remember the last good year.  It certainly hasn't been in the 2000's.   I should've have listened to Prince, the party wasn't meant to last.  Life since then has been some trying zombiefest of both breath taking chaos & utter mind numbing tedium. 

I'm not saying pre-2000 life was a cakewalk.  It wasn't, but it was better than this.  I still had hopes, dreams & good entertainment.  None of that has been here for some time.

Another birthday is rolling up to remind me that I should of got off the carousel a long time ago.  People like me weren't meant to be here this long.  I'm way passed my "best use by date."  I have no real plans for my birthday, we'll see.   I hate being reminded there's no fun left anymore.  I already got the memo.

Cya...

Ugh Morning...

 

I'm learning to detest Thursday mornings.  I'm not sure why everything seems so much louder then.  The trash truck has changed it's pattern & now it passes near twice.  It passes the house 1st for our trash & always loudly compacts the trash outside my window.  About 10 minutes later it repeats the process from the side street.   For whatever reason, the loud ass, school bus is taking our road.  We don't have any kids riding the damn thing, so why it is near me?

Also, the light is changing & I'm waking different.  This was supposed to be an outing day for my roomie.  I was trying not to oversleep & so things would get done.  Turns out, she got ill last night & couldn't go.  I could've slept, but things happen.  

Most of my labs are in & seem to be alright.  I'm just waiting for the directly HIV related tests to come back.  It's take them a bit.

Thursdays really are a pill. 

Cya...

Done For A Bit...

 

At least for the moment, I've done what I can with what I had in front of me.  Now I wait for things to come back.  It's trash day & we have a couple of errands, nothing big (hopefully).  Other than that, this should be an easier day.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Labs Morning....

 

Another short post.  I didn't notice much in the articles this morning.   We handled our credit issues as much as we can.  My SSI renewal went off yesterday.  I have to go in for labs this morning.  That's all for now.  

Take care.

Cya...

Still Needed...

 

I grew up with the Labor Day Telethon & poster children.    Some looked at them & thought at least something is being done about that issue or that disease.   The fact they had to happen shows the lack of health security in this nation.   Jerry Lewis, March of Dimes, Red Ribbon Revues, Cause Walks, Balls, etc...  They all show holes in the system & use begging for charity to try & fill in the gaps.  They promote images of the sick, injured or victimized to further the cause.  

This approach exploits the needy, nags the well-to-do, emboldens the do-gooders & fails to provide enough to make up for the broken system's failures.  AIDS/HIV walks, rides & revues are still happening decades out.  When will we have actual health care in this nation & not have to resort to begging, tricks & gags to get the barest of minimums?

The US healthcare system was & still is a failure to much of it's people.  I guess the question is, do enough of us actually care?  It doesn't look that way.

Cya...

OT Post...

 

Short, OT post this morning.  I'm having to research the best options for credit issues after the massive hack of SSNs that hit the news yesterday.   There's a lot of options from meh to goodish, the freeish to $$$.  There's monitoring & freezing.  I'm still figuring it out.  More tomorrow.  If you haven't heard about the hack, Google it, there's a lot.

Cya...

Very Dark & wet...

 

I woke to a very dark room.  It stormed all night & kept waking me.  The weather site shows 3"+.  That'd put us nearly 3 times over the rainfall average for August.  It'll probably still get hot today & turn this into a streamy mess.

I got my renewal for SSI disability yesterday.  I really didn't need that on top of everything else.  Still there it was.  It's filled out & will go back on Monday.  Then I wait.

This year hasn't been the worst, but it's still been a suckfest.  I doubt this will be a fun birthday.   Not like there's anything to do.  2000 forward has sucked.

Cya...

Need Some Down Time...

 

The last few days were hard.  It's been very hot & it will be again today.  Because of more scheduling blunders, it took an extra day to get the van back.  I think it's fixed.  

We spent a lot of time out in the heat yesterday & it was rough on us.  I doubt either of us got much good sleep last night.  An alleged storm rolled through & a main window had to be kept closed overnight.  That always makes the house extra humid.  Turned out to be a lot of lightning & no rain.

We have shopping & mail today.  Hopefully that's all & it goes well.  We need a cooler, less stressful day.  A least after tonight, things are supposed to cool down some.  If the overnights drop, I think we can handle the rest.

Take care.

Cya...

Not Quite...

 

I thought this would be a nothing day.  It's not working out that way.  The mechanics didn't get started working on the van when they thought they would.   So, it didn't get finished yesterday.  I'll call in a bit to see when we can pick it up.  

I Know BS happens.  But, it'd be nice if me & mine weren't the target so often.  It's got to be someone else's turn by now.

Trash is gone.  It's getting hot.  I'm waiting for the mechanic.  That's my morning.  

Take care.

Cya...

Some Progress...

 

Yesterday was hotter & we were out in it.  It didn't do wonders for how I felt.  Still, we managed to get some things handled.   The van is at the mechanics & will be most of the day.   We got the mail & our glasses were in.  We have new glasses with slightly altered prescriptions.  Neither of our scripts changed much.  

I'll have to get blood work next week.  My telemedicine appointment is in 3 weeks, just a few days after my birthday.  That's about as much as I have planned.

August is turning out to be busy & hot.  Neither aspect was wanted, still here they are.  That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

2nd Attempt...

 

The rain's over for a bit & we passed the month's rainfall average.   The heat's returning & will probably be here the remainder of the month.  Maybe it'll dry things out a bit.  That might help with the aches.

This afternoon, we'll take the van back to the mechanics again.  I called to make sure the appointment was on this time.   Our glasses should be in at the mail place.

I got my license renewed with the Real ID.  I haven't got it yet, this has to be mailed to you.  That's new.  They usually just hand the new license over to you there.  I've got my old card & a print out of a temporary license until then.  It should be here within 30 days.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Still Dark, Rainy, But Also Achy...

 

We've had a lot of rain & it's still going.  We've passed the monthly average.  It was just a little over 2" for August.  This will be the last cooler day then back to the heat.  The midweek could be too warm overnight.  Then the nights will cool down again.

This rain has messed with body.  It kicked off a bout of sciatica.  While not as painful as gout, it'll certainly get your attention.  Hopefully, it'll lessen when the rain stops.   August isn't supposed to be dark.

That's all for now.  I need go get my license renewed.  I guess it's time for the Real ID version.  Take care.

Cya...

Dark, Rainy Sunday...

 

I'm still not sure why Blogger lost my post from yesterday.  It's happened a couple of times since I've been blogging.  I guess that's not bad.

It's pretty dark out & raining.  It could rain a fair bit today.  I hope it doesn't jump start the grass again.  After this, August heat is supposed to return.

There are 3 weeks left in my birth year.  I have absolutely nothing planned except regular stuff & appointments, such fun.  But seriously, there isn't much to do right now.  It's hot & there isn't much at the theater.

It's really annoying.  There used to be so much I wanted & wanted to do for my birthday.  I had a hard time choosing.  Now, there's nothing.  I don't want more junk in the house.  What I could possibly use, is beyond us.  And the entertainment options are mostly nil.

Younger me never thought the future would be a boring, horror show.  Take care.

Cya...

Lost Post...

 

Not sure what happened.  This hasn't happened in quite a while.  Blogger lost the post I did this morning.  OK.  I'll post again tomorrow.

Cya...

Just What...

 

I saw 2 articles on HIV suppression yesterday, both are questionable.  Each is over the same subject, here's the 1st & then 2nd.  These articles concern an alternative approach to viral suppression not elimination.   

The studies are early in their research & involve non-human primates.  They focus on TIP (Therapeutic Interfering Particles.)  In this instance, that basically refers to a "defanged" version of HIV.  Grey's Anatomy did an episode concerning this approach.  TIP isn't new, variations have been around since the 1950's.  The idea is to introduce a rapidly reproducing, less dangerous version of the virus.   It's like a weed choking out grass.  The TIP HIV would outperform the original virus.

This research isn't near fruition & has been focused on theoretical & animal applications.  It may or may not move into human studies.  It isn't a cure, but could be a long term suppressive approach.  It may be a long ways off or never come to be.

My worry is simple, this is a virus.  A version of HIV none the less.  Viruses are driven to survive by replication & evolution.  This TIP may be harmless in a lab, but in the wild, there's only conjecture.  Would this be a boon or brand new horror show?

I'm glad the research is ongoing.  Still aspects of it are concerning.  This could be how Stephen King's  Captain Trips gets started.   Or it could ultimately control/end HIV..

Take care.

Cya....

2nd August Thursday...

 

Another Thursday's here & we don't have much planned.  That's fine, the weather's still a bit hot for much.  Anything  we'd consider doing right now, would have to be pretty brief.

Bill's are mostly handled & the trash is gone.  Our have-to's for the moment are handled.  Things will start up again tomorrow.

Take care.

Cya...

Not As Planned...

 

We had a wasted outing yesterday.  It wouldn't have mattered except it was hot & my roomie wasn't feeling well.  We were supposed to drop off the van at the mechanic & come back to get it this afternoon.  Things didn't work out that way.  Someone there, double booked their day & my appointment got pushed back until next week.   So, wait & repeat next Tuesday.

These Tuesday outings are really throwing off my week.  Since we normally do things on Wednesday, I was off a day all last week.  Probably will be again.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Telehealth...

 

Telehealth applications were present long before COVID, but they skyrocketed during it.  Tele-whatever just means something from or over a distance, instead of it being in the immediate vicinity.  I have a telemedicine appointment in September.  

IMO, while these tele things can be provide opportunities, save time & give options, in a lot of ways they aren't better.  A face to face conversation with a friend would probably be better than a phone conversation.  But, what if that friend now lives across the country?  The the telephone call may be the only option.

I think many flourish in tele-education programs.  My telemedicine appointments save me massive drive times & expense.   Instead of spending 5+ hours for a 15 minute appointment, I drive across town & I'm usually back in under 45 minutes.

But, there is a level of protocol & formality in the tele-meetings,  not present in real life.  It's easier to be removed, agreeable, brush over things, just to be done.  These tele-meetings bring out a falseness that can be awkward to overcome.

I'd never give up my tele appointments.  But I know I have better conversations with my PCP because we're face to face.  Telehealth is an amazing tool bringing aid to places that may have no other options.  However, like anything else, it can have it's limits.

Cya...

Busy Week...

 

This is bills week.  There's also regular stuff like shopping & trash.  Past that, we have to take the van in for some repairs.  We have more on our plates than normal.

I need to get my license renewed.  Later in the month I'll go get labs drawn for telemedicine in early September.   That's going to be a busy start as well.  Labor Day, bills & a doctor appointment.  

It's still hot, but the nights aren't bad.  That at least lets us sleep fairly decently.  Hot nights do us in pretty quickly.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

This Is Why Not...

 

By now, most of us have heard of people with various ailments like leukemia & HIV being cured by transplants from someone whose blood has a natural resistance to HIV.  There have been 7 cases to date.  It's probable many have asked if it worked for them, then why not use the method to cure others of HIV?  

This article is about 12 year old boy who underwent such a treatment.  It seemed to have succeeded in dealing with both the HIV & leukemia.  However his body began rejecting the new cells.  This is always a risk with any transplant.  In the end, they couldn't do anything to save him.

While remarkable & to some they may even seem routine, transplants are serious procedures with sometimes deadly consequences.  Any surgery can inadvertently lead to death for a host of reasons.  The more invasive, novel, experimental the procedure; the higher the potential for unknowns & risks.

While the transplant procedure to cure HIV may yield a great wealth of info in the fight against the virus, it isn't a magic bullet.  It probably isn't the path to ending HIV on a large scale.  Still the concept is curious. 

Cya.

A Want..

 

There are a lot of things I'd like in this world, too bad most of them seem highly unlikely to ever be a reality; like enough resources to feel secure.  It was good sleeping weather last night & I got some much needed rest.  I'd like not have to be so dependent on the whims of nature as to how I sleep.  But that isn't something in my life.

So, I'm thinking of something that should be possible.  Whatever the estimate, it's always over a 1 million people in the US who are HIV+.  The virus is over 4 decades old.  Other than testing (done at labs) & new meds (pharmacy), little has changed since 2000.  Why do I still need a specialist?  Why isn't HIV treatment as available as anything else at your primary care's office?  It's time for this to be so common you don't need specialist.  Mine hasn't offered any new information on my illness in over decade.

Just my thoughts & wants.  I want enough to be secure & to no longer have to go to a specialist for my HIV.  At least part of that seems feasible.

Cya...

August Start...

 

August came in hot, but the yard is mowed.  If it's hot enough & there's not much rain, maybe the grass will die back for a bit.  That'd be nice.

Bill stuff has started & it'll begin in earnest on Monday.  Next month will be interesting due to the beginning of the month being so near Labor Day.  We'll take the van in this week.  Maybe that mess will be handled for a while.

That's all for.  Take care this 1st Friday of August.

Cya...

Hello August...

 

It August 2024 & the count of is on for my next birthday.  The last good month we really had was August 2022.  I'm not expecting much out of this month.  It'd be nice if it wasn't as bad or worse than the rest of 2024.  I don't have high hopes.

Things are being a bit rough on me lately.  I don't know if it's the heat, weird sleep or still reacting to sedation, but I'm still weirdly emotional since the colonoscopy.  It'd be nice if it toned down a bit.  I can freak out all on my own without any help from other things.

Hello August, try to play nice.

Cya...