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Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Goodbye July & Done For Now...

 

This is the end of July 2024.  It's on to the last month of my birth year.  This month wasn't horrible, but it certainly wasn't fun.  It was hot, humid & often too stressful.  It came in hot & that's the way it's going out.

Yesterday was busy & tiring.  We took the van to the mechanic.  It got partially fixed.  It has to go back in next week for a big maintenance job.  Just about everything that can leak, does.  Maybe after that, the van drama will be settled for a while.

Our eye exams went easy enough.   New glasses have been ordered.  They'll take a while to get here.  The van & exam took up our day, then we were hot & worn out.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, July 30, 2024

Rushed Morning...

 


We're in a hurry this morning.  We have to get the van to the mechanics & then get morning stuff handled.  After that we'll head over & have our eye exams.  We need new glasses.  These aren't dead, but they aren't in great shape.  Everything just had to collide on the same day.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Monday, July 29, 2024

Busier Week...

 

The last week of July is going to be busy.   We have to take the van in to the mechanic tomorrow & then drive over for our eye exam.    It's getting hot again, that means closing up the house a lot.  I don't like that, but we have to stay cool(er).

I needed to find my birth certificate.  We thought we put everything away like responsible adults.   It seems most everything except for my birth certificate was in there.  I had to order a new copy.   I'm still waiting to see how that goes.  Hopefully this doesn't screw up.  I'm really awful at adulting.

We'll go shopping here in a bit & that should be it for today.  After this, the 1st of month starts for August.  Bills all over.

Take care.

Cya...

Sunday, July 28, 2024

Health Policies...

 

The election is coming up.  This point is simple, republicans are not good for healthcare, affordability, accountability or need based assistance.  They have touted reducing or getting rid of medicare, medicaid, Social Security, SNAP & like programs.  Put bluntly their policies make it clear they hate the poor & women.

This article is over Harris's health policies she's promoted so far.  I'm not going to say I agree with everything she's for, but it's a hell of lot closer to what I need than the other option.  If you or someone near you is in a position to need assistance or guarantees of good health options, then conservatives are simply a bad choice.

I've seen quite a few elections.  I know that no candidate will ever match up perfectly with what I'd like.  But, no other candidate has been further from the wants & needs of myself & those around me than trump.

Take care.

Cya...

Saturday, July 27, 2024

Sore Saturday...

 

I did a bit more than I'm used to yesterday & it shows.  My roomie & I were fairly ill Thursday, I was mostly over yesterday, not so much for her.  It was a decent day & then a freak rain hit for less than an hour.  It was a cold rain, it should've cooled things down more.  It didn't, it made everything a damn steam pit.  

I slept wrong last night, probably due being me, the stuff I did & the rain induced humidity.  I woke & my shoulder was hurting, not just sore.   It's still achy this morning.  I hate being able sleep wrong.  Who the hell decided that should even be possible?  

Hopefully, it will be an easy day.  Take care.

Cya...

Friday, July 26, 2024

Not Much Friday...

 

Other than shopping, we don't have a lot going today.  It won't be as hot, but it's pretty humid.  Yesterday wasn't fun, neither of us felt that well.  We're wondering if we got food poisoning from something when we ate out.   Maybe, it's run it's course.

I need to do some yard stuff, but the grass is wet with dew.   Things will be hot by the time it dries.  I really don't like having a yard.  At least not something this size.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Thursday, July 25, 2024

July Winding...

 


This is the beginning of the lasts of July.  Today is the last Thursday of July 2024.  There isn't much going on; bills have been handled, trash is off & my roomie is visiting a friend.  I don't have any plans for the day except trying to avoid any drama.  I've had my fill for some time.  

The coolness is fading & Summer temps are on their way back.  It was a nice break.   It was more like the season was when I was a kid.  The real heat didn't hit until August.

Take care.

Cya...

Wednesday, July 24, 2024

Week Out...

 

It's a week out from my colonoscopy.  The prep wasn't fun, the procedure was easy, but the after hasn't been easy.  It's taken my body a bit to get back to normal.  The emotional ride of post sedation was something I wasn't expecting.   

As a adult, the only thing I've ever been put under for was having wisdom teeth extracted.  I don't remember having this reaction.  This time, I've been a wreck going from sad, regretful, angry, anxious, etc...  This has been the hardest part of this.

I think it's getting better, but it's taking a while.  Every little thing feels huge.  It's exhausting & unnerving.  I hate knowing things may be off, but not that off, still I'm having a melt down.  

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, July 23, 2024

Cure Rush & Cash Stall...

 


Money has always been an issue in the fight against HIV/AIDS.  Whether the funds were needed for awareness, testing, treatment, outreach... there was never enough.   

Recently there's been a splash in the world about Gilead's drug Lenacapavir.  Which in trials prevented all occurrences of HIV in the test subjects for over a year with just 2 injections per patient.  The results are amazing.   You can Google for that.

Here's the rub.  This article details how world health organizations see this is the closest thing there will ever been to a vaccine & want it given to everyone at as low a price as possible.  Gilead says the med is for treatment only & not prevention.  

The cost is prohibitive at $42K+ annually.  The world organizations are pushing for a generic.  A study mentioned in the article, states the medication could be produced for as low as $40.00 using the ingredients of Lenacapavir.  That would still leave a profit margin of 30%.  If $40 using generic ingredients leaves that kind of profit, how many thousands of times profit is Gilead clearing off of $42+K?

This is an interesting article with an old argument of prevention vs profit.  We'll have to wait to see how this plays out.  Countries could pass laws overriding Gilead's claims & produce the medication generically.  That may be the only way this ever happens.

Take care. 

Cya...

Monday, July 22, 2024

That's Awkward & Stressful....

 

As if the election wasn't already stressful enough, Biden dropped out of the race.  It's not like he was getting a lot of support from anyone.  The very things they bitched about with him, he's done forever.  But some people think it's time to move on to a younger person.  I can't disagree with that, but the timing sucks.

I can't really even make comment about anything else with this at the moment, nothing's set.  It's most likely Harris, but the DNC hasn't stated that yet.  There's still the issue of most viable running mate. 

I was already nervous about this election.  Now, I'm even more so.  All I can do is vote for whoever isn't trump or a trumper.

Cya...

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Rainy & Dark...

 

We'd already exceeded our rainfall averages before & all this is just extra.  It's not a flood worry, even now our totals for the month are in the 4" range.  A little over an inch higher than expected.   It's supposed to rain more during the remainder of the month, so it's likely will be 2"+ over the average.  It's also been oddly cool.  Today is supposed to be in the low 80's & nothing over the mid 90s is in the forecast for the next 15 days.  Of course that could change, hopefully it won't. 

The post procedure realization I posted about yesterday may be something I never really get passed.  It'd be nice, but I'm not sure it will happen.   That may have been 1 of the only times I've ever known what it was to be that calm & peaceful.  I really wish I hadn't, to be there & then not was really hard.  It may have been the cruelest thing I've done to myself.  Every defense I had was down & then the world came rushing back. 

I wonder if some people actually know that level of peaceful calm in their lives.  I bet if they do, they can't be around others much.  Talk about bringing a person down.

Cya...

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Figured It Out...

 

Since my screening on Wednesday, something's been bothering me.  At 1st I couldn't figure it out.  Sure I was worn out by the process & it's taking a bit to get back.  The procedure went well & it's over.  But since then, there's been a lot of crap screwing up to some degree; cars, doors, computers, kittens...  This stuff is constant agita.  And we have a hell election coming up that could be very well ruin what little life I have.   But I was still wondering what was really bothering me.

I finally figured it out.  During the colonoscopy, then put me under.  I didn't even notice going under, it was easy.  Ever since I woke, part of me has been angry.  That brief bit of time I was under was the most peaceful I'd been in decades.  There wasn't any fighting, stress dreams, fear, anxiety.  I wasn't fighting to stay asleep.  I just wasn't.  Then I woke up & it all came back. 

Maybe it's morbid, but if I hadn't woke up, all that would've stayed gone & I could've just not been.   I don't remember the last time I was that relaxed & peaceful.  It's fairly likely, the answer is never.   Maybe it's just a reaction to the meds, but I've been in borderline panic & anxiety fit ever since.  

I hate waking, it's always so horrible for me.  If there had ever been any kindness in this world, I would've stayed where that was.  Guess I have my answer on that.

Cya... 

Friday, July 19, 2024

2 Days Out & Again...

 

I got through yesterday still a little off stomach wise & tired from the colonoscopy.  Apparently, that's to be expected, the process is depleting.  Luckily both nights since have been cooler & I slept better.   Maybe that'll be enough to get things back to more my "normal".  Still not wanting to push a lot today though.

Another patient has apparently been cured of HIV via  stem-cell transplant.  I'm only going to post a link to this article.  This would be the 7th patient, but the process is still deemed questionable & dangerous.   Maybe they will eventually glean enough from these flukes for a helpful application for the majority of people living with HIV.

Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, July 18, 2024

It's Done...

 

The screening happened, that was the easy part.  I went in & they got me ready.   After a bit, I was out & then in the recovery room.  It went well, no issues, no polyps.  

I still feel a bit out of it, but hopefully that will get better in a bit.  I need more to eat & drink.  I'm glad I don't even have to think about that again for 10 years.

That's about it here.  Although it did manage to cool down some. Take care.

Cya...

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Did What I Could...

 

I did all the prep they said to for the screening.  This hasn't been fun.  I finished what I could do last night.  I hope this goes well.   I feel pretty awful right now.  I'm queasy, shaky, dehydrated & tired.   It was a warm, muggy night.   That combined with wondering when I'd need to hit the bathroom again kept waking me.  

I have Wednesday stuff, some of which got pushed back until tomorrow.   I need to get trash out, shower again, check mail & be there by 2.  I could seriously hurt these people for the appointment being that late.  This isn't just me they're putting out.  You have to have a driver for this thing to get you home.  

In 4 hours I'll be there.  In 6 - 7, I should be out & done.  Hopefully this goes well.  

Take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Screen Prep...

 

The prep for my colon screening begins today.  I didn't think this was going to be fun.  But they finally set a time yesterday.  My appointment isn't until 2 PM.  That's a lot later than what I was led to expect.  So, the next 28 - 31 hours aren't going to be great.  It's really stupid it's that late.  I least I won't have to wake up early & I'll have time to handle getting cleaned up & house stuff.  

Here this goes, take care.

Cya...

Monday, July 15, 2024

It Starts...

 

It's shopping day.  I'll need to get stuff to get through this week.  I have to get ready for my screening on Wednesday.  I still don't know the exact details of it all.  I need to get some things for tomorrow's prep.  Here's hoping this doesn't go badly.  I'm not sure what to expect, but I don't have high hopes about any of it.

That's all for today.  Of course these have to be the hot days of the week.  Take care.

Cya...

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Mid Month...

 

We're nearly halfway through.  Most the remaining bills will show this week.   Then we're handled for the month.  It's back to being warmer than we'd like, but it is July.  

I have an appointment on Wednesday for my screening.  Prep for it begins the day before.  Things are changing for that.  It's not as rough as it used to be.  Some doctors want to change it more to include low residue foods (google it).   I still don't know the actual details of the appointment & that's irritating.  They're supposed to call soon with the whens, wheres & how longs.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Saturday, July 13, 2024

Tethers....

 

During our lives we have these attachments to things, people, activities.  They tether us to who we are, were & will eventually be.  These are what we use to assure ourselves we can get back to our "normal" no matter how rocky life gets.  Unfortunately, sooner or later we lose these anchors that keep us moored.  

Some of these bindings we have to cut.  Some we let loose so we can grow into who we will be.  Like taking  training wheels off a bike.  But all too many of them are taken from us.  Sometimes we are what's cut loose from shore.  Ask any kid who's been forced to move away from their home, friends or comfort zone.  Other times, these tethers are torn from us & leave our lives a little less certain with each loss.

Since the beginning of the 2000's I've lost almost every tether I had.  Older friends, roommates, identity, health. etc...  There've been a lot services I used that closed, failed or bailed on me.  Insurance companies, dentists, mechanics & the like.  It's been over a year since I saw the doctor that was my primary care providers for 2 decades.  He just stopped being there & retired.  Not a peep to me.  

The problem with tethers is that they're breakable, often temporary & sometimes unidirectional.   Having that stable doctor meant a lot to me.  I meant squat to him or the dentist I liked.  As you get older, you lose more tethers & they're a lot harder to make.  No one wants to be tied to aging thing.

Whether it's people, places, things we do, these ties define & strengthen us.  Too bad they can eventually wound us in a way that won't heal.  Being social creatures can really suck at times.  But that's life.  The fact everyone else is going through the same thing doesn't help any at all.

Cya...


Friday, July 12, 2024

Finally & Another...

 

I actually saw a hummingbird in the yard yesterday.  I almost missed it.  It was up near the tiger lillies.  I haven't seen them there before.  I think most things are avoiding the hibiscus this year.  If that's the case then that may be the only hummer I see this year.  The tigers are almost done for the season.  I'm not sure what's wrong with the rose of sharons.  They've been dying off for the last few years.   There used to 6 in the backyard.  Now, there's 2 & the front bush is half gone.   The hummers don't go near the crepes as much.  I'd put up a feeder, but there are so many ants in the yard, that's probably all that'd get to it.

On the other point, it happened again.  This article goes on to detail how another doctor possibly exposed over 2,400 patients to HIV & various hepatitis types.  Who knows what else.  All because he couldn't be bothered with safety protocols.

That's all for.  I need to get around & go shopping. Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Just Another Thursday...

 

It's just a typical day so far.  My roomie is off to spend some time with a friend.   I'm here, not doing much of anything.  It's times like this I'm really reminded of how little there is left in my life.   My phone doesn't ring & I don't get text.  On the rare occasion either happens, it's spam, a wrong number, a bill reminder, bad news or something dealing with my health.   Other than my roommate & a few strangers here or there during outings, my health is all anyone talks to me about.  

I get really tired of talking about it.  Another reason to consider opting for no treatment when faced with a chronic illness.  You aren't a person anymore.  You definitely aren't you anymore.  You're just the face of whatever illness you have.  You're that person with HIV or whatever other ailment.

Although there's been some interesting diversions here or there, the 2000's have been a bust for me.  I should've never stayed this long.  The party & road may go on forever, but apparently somewhere along the line I made the mistake of getting off the bus.

Cya...

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Summer So Far...

 

I really needed, this Summer to be good.  That hasn't happened.  It started wet & dark, leaving me with SAD.  When the sun did decide to shine, it was ballistic & hot.  

My roomie is still dealing from a loss in late May.  It's the kind there really isn't any means of moving past.  I don't envy her.  She's facing something, I never did due to having zip for a relationship with most of my family.  

Then there's the constant issues with everything around us; house, yard, health, car, etc...  Each piece needing a resolution.  Sometimes there isn't a good option.  

All of this, plus the heat, hurricanes & crappy internet have made this a crap season so far.   There's still more to come.  It could get better or it could crap out for the duration.  

By this time next week, I should be at or done with my screening.  I'm not looking forward to this.  It's an unknown & I never like those.  I don't trust any of it, but it's the best I can do with what I have available.

When you're chronically ill, they never tell you the hardest part won't be the illness.  It's existing, the just trying to live.  They tell you if you do nothing you'll get worse.  They offer treatments to keep you somewhat going.  They should offer a 3rd option.  A pill or something that just lets you call it quits & step off the ride with as much dignity & grace as you can muster.   That would've been nice.

Cya...

Tuesday, July 9, 2024

Mostly Over...

 

It looks like the hurricane stuff is mostly over for our area.  The maps show it over Arkansas heading northeast towards Toronto.   I'm not sure how powerful it will be when & if it gets there.  Maybe they could use the rain.  We got over 3".  That puts us over our monthly rainfall average.  It'll be cooler gain today & then back to the normal Summer stuff.  Hopefully not as hot as the beginning of the month.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Monday, July 8, 2024

Issues & Short Post...

 

This is going to be a short post.  We have potential issues today with everything due to fall out from the hurricane in Texas.   It'd be nice if nothing happened, but it could. 

2nd, albeit it's cooler due to the weather change, the pressure is weird & the it's muggy.  Something woke me about 6 & it took me forever to get back to sleep.  Then I overslept.

I have to get my stuff handled, get a shower & then go shopping.  Maybe the weather won't suck too much before & during that.  We'll see.

More tomorrow, unless everything's down.

Cya...

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Still Trying...

 


I'm still here & it feels like everything is trying it's best to push me over the edge.   A ton of little things, the weather, people's conditions, things needing handled, impending  storms that threaten our services, etc...  All of it eats at my resources.  What little I have.  Those people who say they enjoy getting older, must be leading very different lives than me.  My life was never easy, but every year, hell month, seems a lot harder.  It takes more to do less in almost every regard, from I can personally do to the cost of things.  Getting older was such a stupid idea.  

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Saturday, July 6, 2024

Check & Done...

 

The 1st of the month stuff is handled.  Our list is clear until the gas bill.  The other stuff hasn't come due yet.   We've done what can be done for now.  

That's my life now, routine items getting crossed off lists until the next cycle.  If it's not bills, it's medical stuff; doctor appointments, dental, eyes, meds, etc...  When it's not that, it's some crap show because something weird or bad happened & it'll probably cost a lot to get it fixed.  If not cash, then a lot of drama & stress. 

There hasn't been much for me to look forward.  I try to find things but they never come to fruition or just fizzle.  There's movies & comics I'll read look at just to have something to do.  But, they're just diversions & not something I'm really excited about.

It's to the point, if my phone rings it's either a wrong number, spam, medical crap or worse news.   I try to stay in the now.   I can't find things to look forward to & looking back just makes me sad.  I won't tell you that any point in my life was great.  But, there were points when I was less scared & stress.  There were points in my past, that even as bad as things could get, I still had things that I was looking forward to.  I could still really laugh, find bits of joy & sometime even a little hope.  

I think that's all gone.   Like the hummers & bunnies, that's just another memory.  I finally saw a dragon a few days back.  It kept circling me like it wanted to be seen.  It was black with black wings with white bands near the wingtips.   It made me smile for a bit, maybe not every little thing is gone.

Cya...


Friday, July 5, 2024

The 5th...

 

The 4th happened & we've made it to the 1st Friday of July.  I'm a little irritated.  The trash was taken out but the garbage men didn't show.  It had to be brought back.  Normally, there's a posting about a no run week.  

There fireworks showed up last night.  The neighborhood was lit up & the kitten wasn't happy.  Millie, our older, more wise cat, didn't care about the noise.  The city's display gets smaller every year.  It's briefer, has less variety & hardly any height to it.

We made it to the 5th.  There are few more bills to handle & then shopping.  After that, the weekend looks to be a little cooler.  We never did get the rain that was predicted.

That's it for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Thursday, July 4, 2024

The 4th...

 


The holiday is here & so there's no mail or bank.   It's been odd this year.   Normally a few weeks before the 4th, the bangs start going off in our neighborhood.  Not this year.  Some people have moved in & out, but not that many.  There haven't been hardly any sounds of fireworks until last night.   Even that wasn't much.  It was uncommon enough, we wondered what it was for a bit.  Maybe fireworks are too expensive this year.  Maybe people are just too hot & tired.  There's still tonight & a bit.

It happened, we actually hit 100°.  I'm not happy about it, but it happened.  The lawn guy actually mowed yesterday.  He came on the hottest day we'd had so far this year.  It's done.  Maybe as hot & dry as it is, the lawn will die back some.

That's all for now.  Take care & happy holiday.

Cya...

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

July Bills...

 

It's time to go handle bills & errands.  It'd be nice if it wasn't quite so hot, but it is July.  It looks like next week will be a bit cooler.  Other than the bank stuff & a quick trip to the pharmacy, we don't have much else to besides try not to melt.  

My labs are rolling back in & my appointment for my screening is in 2 weeks.  I still don't know what time that will be.   That's about it for plans so far.

Take care.

Cya...

Tuesday, July 2, 2024

The 7th 2nd...

 

We've made to the 7th month of 2024.  It's not been as bad as 2023, but it hasn't been a fun ride either,  Being an election year, it has the potential to become a lot worse.  It'd be nice if all the conservatives would just drop dead before then.  That'd be party time.  Maybe this won't turn out to  another sucky year,

Tomorrow is bill day & then the 4th.  It's been pretty quiet around here considering we're normally getting blasted by fireworks.  I've heard a few, but not many.  

That's it's for now, take care.

Cya...

Monday, July 1, 2024

Hello July...

 

Hello July, I hope you're a good month.  The last day of June turned out to be decent day for me, even it wasn't for anybody else.  For over the last decade, no matter the state of my health or well being, I did the majority of the work around the house.  That hasn't changed much.   I've made a decision, when I can I will make things easier on myself.

Yesterday had been the 1st day in a long time, all of June that I was having a decent day.  I wasn't sick, upset or seriously uncomfortable.  I planned on making sure I got through the day like that.  I made a decision that wasn't well received.  I did something early so I knew I'd feel like it.  Either way I was going to have to do it, no one else would.  But my choice did not please the house.  Oh well, I guess someone else could've undone it, but that would've required effort.

I could've let the reception bring me down.  But I decided to mostly ignore it.  I did what was best for me at the moment.  I was the only person that was going to that.  For the most part I had 1 decent day in June, even if others didn't.

It'd be nice if there were more decent days this month.  Maybe others can get on board.  If not, I can't make them.  I have enough issues of my own to tackle.  That's the thing, I'm the person taking care of me or at least trying to.

Take are.  May the month be kind.

Cya...